Tho Our Sins Are Like Scarlet...

They Shall Be White As Snow. (Isa. 1:18)

There's a song that comes to mind that we used to sing in highschool that was really cheesy, but the words popped into my head today and are actually so precious and true, it goes.. "Forgiven of my sins, baptised in the water, filled with the Holy Ghost, and washed in the Blood of the Lamb.. Free, I'm really free, my friend.. Free, by the Blood of the Lamb..."

The last couple of days started off being really hard.. Being stuck in my home.. I hate tv.. felt cooped up... until I finally gave into the realisation that God was whispering... "Be still and know that I am God.. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth..." (Ps. 46:10).. Stop. Come to me.. I am your.. You fill in the rest..

In these beautiful days of snow.. God has given us time to stop. Slow down. Come to Him.. and He is here. Here in beauty, in strength.. to love, satisfy and delight those that would quiet their hearts and come. The invitation stands.. Come as you are.. For, "In repentence and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." (Isa. 30:15)..

Praise God for His beauty. His Sovreignty. His love. His compassion. His presence. His forgiveness. His salvation.. His.... everything. What a beautiful God.

catch up

wow.. it has been a while since i have sat down to write on here.. but what better nite to do so when, i have not been able to do much bcuz of snow and ice and freezing rain... it's pretty amazing, even growing up in portland, i can not remember a time where we have got this much snow.. it's beautiful.. but crippling. the roads are shut down.. and the only way to go anywhere is to walk.. or snowshoe.. or have a massive 4 wheel drive, which i do not..
so.. life after ireland.. wow.. i have been here 5 months already!! it has gone by so fast and seems like i just got back, when ppl ask even i say, oh i just got back... but truley, 5 months?! now.. i wasn't sure what God had for me here, and am slowly finding out.. i enjoyed about a month of family and friends after first getting back.. then starting working at starbucks again.. great place, great ppl, picked it up like i had never left.. but the hours were terrible.. was working 2pm-11pm, which.. for volunteering and getting involved in places, was not so condusive for such things.. i began to look.. was offered a couple interviews here and there.. turned them down.. prayed.. and then called one of the places back that i had turned an interview down for..

it was in a medical office, i have no experience, and with the economy, did not think my chances were so hot.. God had other plans.. amazingly, they told me when i called in to see if i could still come in for the interview, that they were so glad i called, that they have been looking for 6 months to fill this position and really liked my resume.. which i thought was wierd, but was thankful for this oppurtunity and for their grace in letting me come in.. i had 3 interview.. it's a top 10 company nationwide to work for.. i was shocked bcuz my first 2 interviews with the girls were amazing.. they had Bible verses all over their offices.. they told me they had gone to Bible college and really liked me.. well, my final interview was with the owner.. el presidente of the company.. he basically sat me down and said the job was mine.. he said for 6 months they have been praying for the rite person.. that even though i have no experience, that they wanted to train and hire me, bcuz of my heart for God and love for ppl!! i was stunned.. bcuz here is this proffessional place of business proffessing Christ and wanting me for my heart? i could not believe it.. he said the job was mine, but that he did not want an answer til the next morning and wanted me to go home, pray about it.. then let him know... needless to say.. i took the job..

i started at the end of september and it is so great.. God provided it so graciously for me.. it's monday thru friday, 8:30am- 5:00pm.. with paid holidays off and benefits.. all my co-workers love the Lord and it's just such a blessing.. AND i get to wear scrubs everyday, which i love.. so.. that's where i'm working at the moment..

have found a couple really great churches.. and have been testing them all out to see where is the best fit for now.. in the process, have met some fabulous ppl.. and there are all these ministries that are just rite in front of me.. and now i just am praying for God to direct me to where He would have me.. not one that just easy and available..

have been able to spend time with my family.. make new friends.. spend time with old friends.. and slowly but surely, it's all workin' itself out..

that's life rite now.. whatever is next and whatever God has for me here will slowly become clear, as i just keep focused on Him.. and your prayers for God to show me what His plan is here, would be great!!

hope everyone has a great Christmas.. and ya.. that's all for now.. God bless..

3am

its 3am and we have 5 inches of snow on the ground. its so icy and windy no one is on the road, except me and my friend. were in his 4 wheel drive doin' cookies and playing like mad on the deserted roads. its amazing.. after trying my best at manipulating this vehicle and spinnin' and havin' a great time, we went hot tubbing, and let me tell you, there is nothing better than a hot tub, out side, in the snow at 3am.

being home is amazing. i will write more soon.. realised i hadnt been on in ages, and thought id say hey. time to play more though.. this is great!

Reader Discretion Advised.

its been 2 months almost exactly now to where ive been home. i cant believe that ive acclimated so quickly. i know that this is definetly time to be here and the doors God has opened up are awesome and steady and He is just so faithful in taking care of my heart and needs right now..

i went online tonite and went onto bebo.. the sight were all of my kids overseas are. the sight where they all write and leave comments and have their own pages and pictures and its the first time ive been on there since ive been back and my heart just became so burdened and happy and heavy and thankful.. all the emotions that i had every single day while i was in dublin and drimnagh came flooding back all at once so strongly and intensely as i looked at what they were up to and read their letters to me.. what i dealt with and saw everyday there was not for the faint of heart and or easily offended.. below are just a few poems from my very sweet kids i have copied to share with you just on a very small level where my kids are at.. and believe me, what ive pasted below is nothing in compared to the norm. for the Christian american world, its shocking to read what comes out of these kids' mouths, yet.. this is reality for an entire community of hundreds of thousands of people. this is a tiny, and just a tiny taste of reality where i was 24/7.

"drimnagh life: sitting down smoking blow. garda come gotta go. in jail. out on bail. left saint pats wit out a trail. lifes a trip. then we die. fuck all gards and lets get high. (and dat is how we du it in drimnagh)"

"IRA! By bomb or by gun thy death wil b done. IRA all the way fuck d queen an d UDA cuz we r d boys frm South of the border so fuck d brits an the orange order!!!"

"*BORN CATHOLIC**STAY CATHOLIC**LIVE CATHOLIC**DIE CATHOLIC**Irish n Fukin Proud "

"Drimnagh! Yup Yup Run Amuck. Drimnagh Duznt Give A Fuck. Call Us Scumbags. Call us Sad. If Ye's Arnt From Drimnagh Ye's Are Mad. We Might Be Tall We Might Be Small. If Ye Dont Like Us Fuck Ye's All"

beautiful kids. broken kids. who are still in the same state i left them and still in need of so much prayer.. ive been writing to them as much as i can tonite, and there are literally hundreds of kids and teenagers that i am connected intimately with over there, and its an intense nite. for the first time of being back, God is breaking and burdening my heart yet again for that place and for those people. the call the pray and the call to ask others to pray is still so important and the stories i wrote about for a year are still happening everyday. lives are shattered by drugs and alcohol and violence and gangs and these beautiful little souls are suffering by seeing people die of overdoses and accidents and diseases and its breaking my heart.. those poems were written by a couple of my lads, all 15-16 years old.. that is their life. they see nothing, and do nothing but drugs and fighting and dying. it is the reality that is still so close to my heart and is happening every second of everyday.. and we can not be blind. we need to pray.

pray for my kids.. they will always be my kids. pray for drimnagh.. pray for God to break thru by the power of His Holy Spirit and do something so amazing for His name and His glory sake.. pray for hayley, sharon, aaron, andrew, eddie, darrel, carl, windy, aaron, danielle, claire, ciaran, curtis, emma, josh, morgan, shauna, kellie, lyndise, ross, paul, tony, amy, aoefie, kaytlyn, thomas, tasha, gary, mark, abraham, moey, graham, for all the families in drimnagh, for shannon, for salvation, for just.. so many kids.. so much brokenness. so much darkness. so much hurt and pain and destruction and death and disease. pray for my guys at the homeless shelter, pray for carrie and antoinette..

my heart is breaking again, and all the while praising.. God is good.. God is still working there, here, everywhere.. my heart is so encouraged and so thankful to have been blessed by being able to be a part of these lives, but i know that just because i am here doesnt mean life has stopped for them.. they are still living in darkness, still struggling and addictions and behaviours that only God can and will change.. but please pray for them..

the last 2 months home have been wonderful and necessary and i know that this is where i am meant to be, and yet i am still a part of these lives, still a part of that place, it will always hold a piece of my heart and that is with purpose.. pray for drimnagh, pray for my students, pray for the staff at dcm, pray for those kids.. those beautiful souls that just need Jesus..

k.. im gonna go keep writing them.. lots more kids to connect with.. God bless and thank you.

whats next?

i havent been very good at writing lately, but thats because i have been enjoying life and friends and family. the last month and a half have been a much needed break for my soul. i have spent time enjoying each day, and the relationships and people in each of those days.

as the month of august is coming to an end though, i am faced with the question everyone keeps asking... whats next?... and my answer is the same every time... i have no idea.. wish i did.. finding a job, is posing harder than i had thought it would be. i really just dont have a clue what God has next for me. i have desires of things i would like to do and a certain way i would love life to be happening rite now, but as it says in proverbs, in the heart man directs his steps, but it is the Lord who directs the path. and i am faced with the reality of having to literally trust in Word of God and the promises of God, for a time that is so open ended and unknown.

i have a strange peace in the midst of it all. a peace that God is sovereign, God is good, and God takes care of His children and answers prayers and grows us in the times of uncertainty. so i cling, once again, with all of my might and by His grace am able to ask God that i might be able to trust in the Lord with all of my heart, leaning not on my own understanding, but in all of my ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct my paths.

i ask for you prayers, prayers of Gods clear provision and guidance and for open doors. i believe that God has something in mind, that i havent even conceived.. pray He brings it to pass for His glory. i need a job. i need a car. i need health insurance. i need these things to live now. pray by His grace, He would perfectly provide.

i trust Him, and thank you for your prayers. am excited to watch God work and answer our cries to Him. thank you.. will write again soon.

shawnda

campin with the fam

i have so much to be thankful for. its now been a month since ive been home (which has just flown by!!), and just thank God that in these 100 degree summer days, that i have been able to see so many people and catch up with everyone and enjoy being home. these are just a few pics from the last weekend and campin' with some of the fam.. love you guys!

good times!!

old friends.. new friends.. its so nice to be able to come home and not have to start from scratch.. its been such an amazing week of catching up with people and "starting my life" at home... ive just been blessed with the most awesome friends who have been in my life since i was like in jr. high and just wanted to write a tiny little thing to them all and let them know how priveledged we all are to still be so close.. so enjoy these pics of the last couple of days.. and thank God for friends.. and the oppurtunity to make new ones.. and i know i keep saying it.. and everyone that sees me lately can tell how just how happy i am to be home.. its just so good. so praises for all that stuff, and prayers for open doors now that im here.. whats next? who knows? only God, and im confident that He does.. so excited to see what that is!

love you guys!! xx

home

i just have to say how incredibly awesome it is to be home. its been so good to be back and randomly run into people as im out and about, and its been great to catch up with friends and family.. and i LOVE being here.. definetly was time.. can you believe it? shawnda being content in america?! i know.. its crazy, but true.. here just a couple pics of life within the last week of being home.. its been wonderful..

you can definetly be praying for whats next.. i have no idea.. at this point.. i am jobless, carless and phoneless.. its a different feeling.. its like this everytime i come back and i forget how much those things are so essential here. so.. you can pray that God would open the rite doors up for whats next. i am fully confident this is my time to be here, so i know for sure that He has something beyond what i could ever ask or imagine, i just havent been let in on what that entails yet.. so clear guidance, open doors and oppurtunities would be awesome if you could pray for.. lets see what He has next, huh? thanks for your continued prayers and support.. i need them!! thanks so much!

i love home!!

hello!!!!

im home.. no problems.. at all.. in fact, quite the opposite.. the flights home and every detail in between were looked after by the Lord and it was amazing..

got home around midnite, slept all nite and woke up today around noon.. my bro invited my mom and sister out to the river with him and his friends, so we went to the beautiful columbia river... and its like 80 out, and we played in the river all afternoon and had a blast.. no jet lag.. getting in touch with some friends who i still have numbers for.. its been a fabulous day.. i was so ready to be home.. and plan on stickin around now. its great.. so praise God for a fantastic life changing year.. and praise Him for the future to come..

from monday ill be free and would LOVE to see all of you.. its a beautiful summer, and i havent seen the sun or any of you forever.. so call me and lets go play!! see you soon. shawnda

my arrival

july 16th. pdx. 10:54pm

not expecting anyone to show up besides my family, cuz its so late and ill be so jet-lagged i wont be too social, and will just want to go to bed.. but, none-the-less.. thats the info.. cant wait to see everyone.. really.. i am stoked to be coming home! see you soon!!!

(pray for all the usual.. travel mercies.. that id stay healthy and have no pain while flying.. that my flights would all connect and that i would make them all.. that my baggage would arrive with me when i do in portland.. for safety.. for... all the finer details of readjustment when im home.. all of that... thanks sooo much..)

the hope of heaven

without this hope, my heart would not be able to handle my life. these last couple of weeks, God has been restoring my heart, again and again, with the surety of heaven and how my heart is already in eternity. im ending another year of having started a life somewhere in a place i will be shortly leaving, and i have been thinking of all of the people that i have met, all the places i have seen, all the things that i have seen God do, and all the lives that have become so quickly a huge part of mine.. and after saying goodbye after goodbye, with the reality in the back of my mind that i may, in fact, never see most of these people until heaven, i am oddly comforted. i heard someone say that this life will one day be but a shadow and a faint whisper of our eternity past, and daily, God is showing me more and more that goodbyes are not the end. and its been really weird, but i have, for the first time, really come to terms with the fact that i am going to, at some point, die. obviously ive known that forever, but to truley think about it and grasp the concept that this life is just the beginning and the reality is that i will live on.. blows my mind and fills me with so much hope. and not to live in fear, or regret, but it inspires me and pushes me on to fully live, with the knowledge that, when my life is over, i will be with God, and with people i love, there will be endless communion, endless fellowship, endless joy.. the home of righteousness, where every tear will be wiped away, every sigh will flee and everlasting joy and abundant life will be mine.. ive been challenged that every moment here matters, that everything i do.. matters.. for eternity.. it kinda puts everything in perspective, which is awesome.

the last two weeks i was on 2 separate camps.. i could write books about the things God did there.. but on the first week, we had a short term team from amarillo, texas come over.. these were all ppl my age, and they very quickly became my family.. God blessed me with so much fellowship and encouragement and friendship with these ppl, that, when it came time for me to say goodbye to them, i was crying my eyes out, and i had known them just a little over a week.. i always use to see it as a curse, but im realising what an immense blessing it is.. that i become so close to ppl, so fast. everywhere i go, it seems, within a short amount of time, ppl have entered my life that i hold as dear to my heart as i do my family.. and ive always seen it as such a horrible thing, cuz throughout my life i have said goodbye to ppl from about 20 different countries in this world. people that i stay in touch with and will always love, but will most likely never see anytime soon.. that always use to make me so sad.. but as i have said... the hope of heaven.. the reality is, its a huge blessing! i will see these ppl again, and it will be forever.. forever!! it brings me to tears to even think about it. its not just some fantasy, or crutch to make me feel better.. the Bible says, that as believers, our hearts are hidden with God in Christ and we are to set our minds on things above, cuz we are already citizens of His kingdom.. and the realisation of that.. the reunions and joy.. and eternity with God is coming.. its real. it is going to happen.. and it doesnt make saying goodbyes easier, but it does fill me with praise to think that God has given me this incredible gift.. and urges me on even more to tell those that dont know whats waiting for them yet.

kindof a wee tangent, thats nothing i even wanted to write about.. but i was looking at pics i was going to post and just had to say all that...

anyways, the camps were amazing.. i was put as the leader of a tent with 4 of the our roughest 16 year old girls that dcm has been working with.. i was soo dreading my week.. the threats, the violence, the lack of sleep id be getting abuse in every way id be having to deal with.. so, immediately, i just began praying.. i had the most "unreachable" girls you can possibly imagine, well, actually you cant imagine, and i had to be with them all week..

it was funny too, cuz we had warned the americans all week, that these werent your typical kids.. not even typical rough kids.. and lo and behold.. the first nite it was chaos and riots.. we had about 40 13-16 year old kids, fighting, swearing, being aggressive, chasing each other with knives, telling all the americans to f-off back to america and spitting in ppl's faces.. breaking things, burning things.. just another nite with dcm.. but these 16 americans were sitting there, stunned.. absolutely stunned.. not one of them knew what was going on and as much as they thought they were prepared for anything.. they werent.. it was quite comical.. nothing out of the ordinary to us, but we got the kids to relax like we always do and all i can say is... God showed up in a way that i never thought possible.. the americans ended up connecting with our kids, by the grace of God, despite being beat up and threatened and all of that.. the gospel was preached, kids hearts were changed, girls started crying and this huge working of the Holy Spirit came upon the camp and.. it was just insane..

God moved in every heart.. after praying and praying and praying, and seeing the evil try to work all week long.. and praying thru that.. every kid/teenager/person/leader, was stunned at the presence and power of God working in that week.. the 4 girls i had in my tent, who, ya just dont touch, or theyll knock you out, were coming up to me all week, playing with me hair, wanting hugs... they wouldnt listen to anyone but me.. and God really worked in their lives and everyone was crying by the end of the week when it was time to say goodbye.. sooo untypical of this place.. it was just God.. so much happened... it would take days to write about, hopefully ill get a chance to speak or something, cuz its incredible the amount of stuff that happened..

then!! a second week of camp with girls aged 7-9.. a totally different atmosphere.. here i am, again, sleeping outside, in the pouring rain, with a group of girl, but this time, they are homesick, they have lice, they wet the bed (in my tent.. grrr..).. and we had to be their moms all week.. had to help tie their shoes, comb their hair, hug them when they were sad and got hurt and it was full on like being a mother to 30 girls all week, it was intense! God showed up, though. 2 girls that we know of, accepted Christ.. and it was a fun week.. and now.. im back.. packing.. saying goodbyes.. and trying to be patient till i get to leave.

this year has been full of sooooo much.. its been the hardest, most challenging, trying year of my entire life.. and i am so thankful for it.. and everything in between, but God has really been preparing me for coming home.. i actually cant wait and have so much peace about it...

please continue praying.. God is doing so much more than i could ever imagine and i know, will continue doing so once i leave.. please just pray for me too, that God would continue to use me in my final week and a half here.. that He would be preparing me for re-entering the land of america, and all the readjustments ill have to make there.. and for my heart as i say goodbye to so many dear ppl.. for my mind.. that id stay close to Him.. for my body.. that id stay well and healthy.. for my.. well, everything.. ill try and write again soon..

God bless you all.. shawnda

camp

pray for us/me. i will be camping for the next 2 weeks with teenagers... pray for hearts, health, fun, safety, salvation... all that.. thanks guys.. talk to you in 2 weeks.

london and prayers

hey. just got back from a week in london. was.. interesting. not my favourite of places, but ive seen it now and can say ive been there, and can just chalk it up to another experience/adventure...

i have just a little bit over 4 weeks left now, which is just so crazy. the staff and team here had a goodbye bbq for me and a big thank you nite for me last nite.. and in just a little over a week, i will be headed off to 2 weeks worth of camp with kids aged 7-14. it will be sleeping outside, (or not sleeping, more realistically), and going 24/7 until i have to come home. i have a couple of days to somehow say goodbyes to all the families and people i have been involved with over the last year, and then just a wee bit of time to pack and come home.. its going to fly be.. be exhausting and a great way to finish off. heres just a couple pics of my trip to london, more of camp and stuff will be coming.

God has done so many things in me, thru me and around me this year, that to blog half of the things would be impossible.. all i can say is my life is changed... again.. and i am in the palm of His hand and am actually looking forward to coming home this time. its time. i have so much peace about it. i look back at one of the most difficult and stretching years i have ever had, 8 countries later, and having experienced every emotion you can possibly have in a day, every day here.. and i thank God for the experience.. and look forward to finishing off well.. thanking you for all the prayers and asking for continued ones.. as i am not finished yet..

its a good feeling to not be sad to come home, and to have a healthy balance of emotions leaving. i will miss it, but life goes on, life happens wherever i am.. and God is at work wherever i will end up, and i have learned that wherever i go and wherever i am, i can love, serve and be. so, thank you for your faithful prayers, i wish i could tell you how much they have been as vital as air to me, but just trust that God has been listening and answering.

please pray for my health, as i wont be getting much sleep this next month, and will be using energy i dont have, with kids that need love and need to experience the gospel thru my actions to them. pray for endurance, patience, love, that i would find times to meet with God regularly, and that my heart, mind and emotions would be guarded in Christ.. satan tends to kick us while were down, or will find ways to try and distract, or pry in and make things seem extra bad when im tired or whatever.. so pray God gives me everything i need, in the moments i need them.. i need Him, every moment.. pray for my emotions. pray for clarity of mind. pray for the energy that i will need.. for health and for God to prepare me for coming back home and for saying goodbye.. pray for my future as i come home... i have no clue what ill be doing when i get back.. but know God has got it sorted.. just pray for me. cover me in prayer this next month.. i need it. thanks again.. will be on again shortly. God bless.

shawnda

broken neck in one more second

so, every day is full of adventure here at the mission, and yesterday in everyway lived true to that.. another monday.. or so one would think. since sunday morning we havent had water in the whole mission, something is wrong with the tanks.. meaning, no showers, no laundry.. no boiling water, drinking water, having tea.. cooking.. brushing teeth.. etc... something you just deal with, i guess, when you live in a building that is hundreds of years old.. a wierd start to the weekend, but we manage..

to get ourselves in better moods, anni, leisel and i had a lovely, amazing breakfast on our roof, in the 70 degree weather.. looking over all of dublin.. a great start so far. after that, we realised that there was a huge outdoor market and festival happening in town, so we headed out on the town.. and it was fabulous... bagpipe players, men walking around in kilts, homemade food from all over the world, pirate ships on the liffey. it was a beautiful morning, out with friends, enjoying some of dublins finest culture, music and outdoors shops.. was great.. reminded me of home, and that was really cool.

after our long, hot day of being out, we arrived home, each go to our own apartments.. i start watching some tv, open all the windows and am enjoying the relaxing.. until i hear a noise.. a strange noise i couldnt quite put my finger on, so i went to investigate.. i walk thru the kitchen, into the hallway, that is covered in water that is pouring down our staircase, and so i open the bathroom door to a flood. now, you have to understand that i live on the second story of a building that has a huge metal door with numerous, necessary locks to get in.. but to get down to, you must go down two flights of stairs.. all the windows have very necessary bars on them that are unremovable.. so our only fire escape/exit in case of an emergency, is a ladder that is bolted into our shower that leads us onto the roof, in which case we would need to archaically jump to the apartments next to our building about 4 feet away.. not a great system..

so, as i open the bathroom door.. the water tank situated above our shower is completly overflowing and pouring thru every crack in the wall, and there is, at this point, about 3 inches of water on the floor, filling the tub, sink, toilet.. and running into every room of our house.. i immediately call leisel from upstairs.. she comes to help me turn the mains off.. and has to climb the ladder in our shower to get up to it and finally reaches it and turns the water off.. she gets scared of heights, cuz she is about 15 feet up on our wee, unstable ladder.. so i volunteer to go up, cuz we needed to open the rooftop exit, and im not afraid of heights.. so i begin to climb, were both soaking wet at this point, she goes into the kitchen to get me the scissors.. i secure the ladder and begin my journey up.. well, at that point, the two parts of the ladder my legs and feet were on give out, and start to unravel, as such, and you just hear, clank, clank, clank, bang, bang.. me screaming.. cuz im dangling about 14 feet over a soaking, ceramic tub, and as im screaming, leisels carefully runs in, but cant get there too fast, cuz of the wet tiles and slippery floors, and within about 20 seconds, the ladder gave out, and im dangling and flailing on the top rungs, for dear life with a grip that was the only thing falling to break all my bones and a concussion.

she comes on, grabs my legs, im banging against everything and finally we get me down, the ladder comes crashing to the ground, were on the soaking floor, unable to believe what just happened.. what a day!!!! by the grace of God, somehow i didnt plunge to a very bad outcome, and we just laughed and laughed and laughed, from the adrenaline of it all and then we freaked out when reality hit..

it was insane! my ankles a bit bruised, i have a touch of whiplash, but all and all, with some muscle relaxers and rest, im ok.. thank God!.. so we continued to mop up the apartment.. get everything dry, and walked downstairs, only to realise that the water has flooded the downstairs and gone into our circuit breakers and everything electric that runs our building and it was all soaked. at this point, we had to unplug everything, i had to stay the night up at her flat, in case something shorted.. and ya.. its just been a crazy weekend..

at this point, you can be praying, cuz we have no water on all 4 stories of our building.. 5 people will be staying in our building this week, and none of us can shower, or do laundry.. and to cook or drink it, we have to buy it.. which isnt so handy when you walk everywhere.. you can also just pray and thank God for having His protection over me.. it was so close to a very bad thing.. so thank you for your prayers.. your continued ones even for safety and protection.. God bless you guys, im off to london in two days for a week.. more adventureous stories to come.

oh, and after the whole ordeal, we went to the biggest park in europe.. right in the middle of dublin.. we climbed trees, saw deer, and had amazing time being in such an amazing place. what a day.. phew!

wow, its been awhile

how do i catch up a month of stuff, when everyday here is packed with so much that it feels like a month?!

ok.. so, ill do my best to breifly update you all and then write properly next time.

in the last month, things have been crazy busy, and amazing. God has answered so many prayers and i have been blessed with more oppurtunities to see this world.

the last couple of months were pretty tough going, as you all may or may not be aware of.. becuz of the nature of ppl that i work with, and the amount of gang and drug activity around me 24/7.. the area i work in was under major spiritual attack, and the darkness and oppression were so thick.. the last year has been crazy.. i have been threatened, and assaulted, and around so much violence and it was tough.. there were a couple of my teens who were so out of control that it was really difficult to just make it thru a day here at times.. BUT GOD is so faithful.. and answers prayer.. love actually does cover a multitude of sins, and darkness must flee when we persist in prayer and perservere as children of the light in faith that God is working and moving even when we see not and feel not. the teens that we continued to love, despite their behaviour and violence.. are now seeing Gods love in a way they have never before.. have apologised profusely and are slowly coming to us now for love and support.. one of the girls who attacked me actually asked, in front of our whole group, how come i still loved her? and how could i still give her hugs and give her a chance after everything that she had done to me?.. and it was amazing being able to tell them all.. that God loved them.. and had plans for their lives.. and that we saw something in them of so much value that they can not see.. all they are told is that they are good for nothing, going no where and are just a bunch of drug addicts and dealers who have no future but prison or death.. being able to sit there, and have all their attention and respect, and tell them what God said about them, was so amazing.. it was a moment, that made the whole year of them being violent, altered and destructive, that made everything seem so worth it.. this is why i am here... perservering in love, when everything tells you the opposite.. pays off.. God has a huge plan.. and just being a part of it.. is amazing.. so praise God.. so many other things.. like, being on the big red bus with my 10-12 year old girls, and being stuck in traffic for an hour.. and them asking me questions about heaven and if hell is real and who the devil is, and if he actually exists.. and then asking me about the Bible and to tell them stories.. they didnt know any!! so i went onto tell them Bible stories and they were captivated!! this month has just been time and time again of God answering prayer and giving me oppurtunities to love and share Him.. its been amazing..

plus, i got to go to venice, italy with a girl i live with and that was amazing.. (on the way home, we were flying over the alps and looking out the window, and all of a sudden, something struck the wing that we just happened to be sitting by.. and there was this huge jolt... then explosion and fire and the loudest sound ever, on the wing.. and it was pretty much the scrariest thing ever!! ppl were freaking out, my roomate started sobbing.. i am not afraid to fly but was terrified, we were not sure what was going on.. and the captain came on the intercom and said that we had just been struck by lightening and that everything seemed to be ok and that they were going to continue on.. and we didnt sleep the rest of the way.. scariest thing ever!!).. but over all, the trip was amazing.. so right out of a movie.. everything that you imagine... was there.. everything that you think of when you think of italy.. was there, just more amazing, though.. so here are some pics of that..

lets see.. in 3 weeks, i will be going camping for the rest of my year.. dcm does 9 weeks of 9 separate camps with the kids and families that we work with.. so you can be praying about that. its a huge oppurtunity to share the gospel and Christ and love and to have amazing conversations with these ppl.. so pray for my health.. my time there, and getting no sleep for a couple weeks straight and that God would sustain and use me and help me to finish well.. and then i come home on the 16th of july!!

time is flying. God is doing amazing things.. i am excited to come home, but also am excited to finish this year well.. He has taught me more than i could ever relay to anyone.. my life has changed.. again.. and everything is very good.. im not sad to leave, im not happy to leave.. life is what it is, and i have done it enough now, to where i am realising that each season of my life is different.. good.. and so different.. each moment i have, is not my own.. and i have learned that whether i am here, there or somewhere else.. that God is good.. God is there.. God is the same.. God has plans and that i just go with it, in contentment.. finally!! im learning, slowly, but surely.. that wherever i am, He is.. so im good wherever.. its awesome..

oh ya, and i got to go to belfast this last weekend and i got to spend time with andy, my old roomate from when i lived in northern ireland for the year.. im sure you all remember the crazy stories i have from those days.. but i havent seen him in 4 years!!! and it was soooo good to spend time with him and reminisce about our crazy days.. it was good..

this next week ill be in london for a week.. should be good.. have never been.. and then, before you know it.. ill be home!! craziness. sorry this blog is so all over the place.. just alot to catch up on!! ill write again sooner than later.. lots of love to you all. God bless.

ridiculous

is the only word i can choose to describe the things that happen here.

tonite, anni and toni and i were sitting down to a nice dinner, it was about 10pm, still light outside and we had our windows open to get the nice breeze blowing in.. all of a sudden, we heard all these voices coming from all over the place, outside.. not unusual, we live in a really busy area, are sandwiched in between two pubs, and usually on the weekends especially, there is always some sort of arguing or commotion outside. im not sure what it was about this particular noise, that made me get out of my seat and look, but, as i did, i saw about 80 teenagers, coming from the 3 roads that lead to this street that is directly in front of our 2nd story window, all gathering in a square formation.. and they were all completly wasted and i knew immediatly something was going down.

it was like a seen from movie.. within about 5 minutes, literally, there was a square formed, with about 4 rows thick of teens, all opening up into an empty middle.. beer bottles and cans were being thrown and all of a sudden as we were deciding whether we needed to call the police or not, a riot broke out of fighting.. the kids from the north side of town, against the kids on the south side of town.. around 80 kids, aged 12-15, drunk and fighting, smashing bottles on each others heads and immediatly there was the biggest fighting mob of kids i had ever seen, blood everywhere and people coming out of their flats and out of the pubs to try and stop this catastrophe.

i called the police, the girls were shouting down from my window at them to stop, and it was such a mess of alcoholic, teenage gang violence and it was awful. the minute our kids who were involved saw us watching, they took off..

but for once, the police came as fast as i have ever seen them come, cuz i usually call them all the time and they are never here in time.. but i went downstairs and outside to get the little kids off the street and talk to the adults who were all over the place, and about 14 police on foot from every entrance you could imagine came running and then there were ones in cars and it was biggest mess of people running around and scattering.. apparenlty, almost the entire community had each called the police.. thankfully.. but after they were all disperesed, we just stood there, with the broken bottles and blood, and beer and just a mess everywhere, looking at each other in disgust.

its ridiculous. its so sad and it breaks my heart. these poor kids! my goodness!! please pray for these people, this area, and the things that God is doing.. its such a sad thing to see fights everyday anyways, but on this scale, with kids we work with, is just ridiculous..

*sigh*. no wonder Jesus wept. the tradgesty of it all is so sad. thank you for your prayers. welcome to life. reality. today. God bless you all.

the big red bus

it was an amazing scene yesterday. nothing out of the ordinary for life here, but for some reason, i noticed it for the first time yesterday, and as i stood back and realised what was going on, i was amazed.

i contrast it to a time i remember a couple of years ago, heather hlavka and i were driving thru l.a. trying to get to san diego.. it had been a sweet roadtrip, we were rockin to the music, havin a great time, until we noticed we were out of gas, so we pulled off onto the first exit we saw, and we ended up in a really bad ghetto, and could find the way out!! we were so in an area that you could tell was full of gangs, drugs, im sure guns and it was pretty crazy.. we were two girls, drivin around some inner city ghetto in california.. had no idea how to get out of it, or where we were, in completly unfamiliar surroundings.. and shady characters were everywhere.. it was pretty daunting.

well, that is the equivalent to the area i have been working and hanging out in all year.. drugs, gangs, stabbings, shootings, shady characters... the ghetto, and i love it.. i know the people there, i have been in the community now for almost a year and have developed relationships with the drug dealers, the gang members and i feel nothing but safe as i go there.. by the wisdom and grace of God, of course.. but its familiar.. its "home" this year.. and they know who i am, so im ok.

but as i was driving around yesterday it was so awesome.. you see, every day we drive thru the community in a big red bus.. thats broken down, dented, graffitied, and recognised as the "dcm" bus, its pretty hard to miss. they have used a bus similar to this for 50 years picking up kids and teens and families to bring them into town for our youth clubs and events.. the families, as hard as they are, and as "dangerous" of an area as it is, know us.. it was so cool.. it was 10pm last nite, just starting to get dark, "shady" characters out everywhere.. really scary, intimidating and quite daunting if you werent familiar with the area and people in it, not a great time to be out in that area if you are an outsider.. and as jen and i drove thru the streets, in the big red bus, like we do every nite.. i noticed... one hand waved, after other. kids as young as 4, to dudes old as 30 who were waving at us, smiling.. chasing after us with huge grins.. and as i was sitting there waving back.. i was just rejoicing. it was the coolest feeling ever... people that have no hope.. that live in a horrible place and really have nothing to do but drugs and drink and fight.. were delighted to see us just drive by. but then i got thinking, that this happens every day.. every day they see us, every day they expect us to drive by, pick up their kids, say hello, give them a hug.. and i noticed for the first time, that us, driving thru these gang and drug infested neighbourhoods in our big red bus, was a sign of hope to them.. and its something that has happened way before i was here, and will happen well after i leave.. its such a blessing and such an encouragement to be a part of something so much larger than myself.. and wow.. that big red bus, and the experiences i have had in it this year, are something i will actually never forget..

gosh, what a priveldge.. what a blessing.. its just amazing to me.. and i wanted to share.. must run off to drimnagh now.. cant wait to see my kids.. hope youre all doing fabulous.. God bless you.. cant wait to be home and share all these stories with you in person.. Just a little over 2 months now.. can hardly believe it!!

good.

wow, when things are good here, they are really good. God has been answering so many prayers, things have been so amazing and.. wow.. He just answers prayers and is amazing. life is so wonderful at the moment, God is working, and moving in so many ways, and you can just feel it.

thank you for those of you that pray, and for those of you that just read.. be so encouraged, there is a God, and He is good. all the time. no matter what, and is in love with you. i know theres so much evil and so many bad things that happen and that dont seem fair.. but God is aware, there are answers, and most importantly, He cares and is working and moving in situations that seem hopeless. He answers prayers.. He is good.. life is good..

"Lord, you establish peace for us, all that we accomplished, You have done for us." isa. 26:12

today

i was realising today that the only time i write on here is when something really intense, dramatic or exciting happens, which is pretty much every day.. but there are those rare days where everything seems somewhat "normal", and that life is ok in the world.. today is one of those days..

its sunday morning, and pouring rain, which i am loving, actually. my roomate is away, and the mission is perfectly quiet. in 3 hours, a nigerian church will be downstairs having a 5 hour service, (equiped with whistles and blowhorns and all), and soon the sound of rain on my roof will no longer be heard. rather, songs of praise in a nigerian dialect, and a sermon being shouted thru an unecessary microphone, right below my room.

i decided to not make any plans with people today, except maybe going upstairs to annie's and watching a movie and drinking tea. perhaps reading a book, or crotcheing a scarf (thanks to trina chase, i am able for that). normal, quiet, peaceful days are rare around here, as is my personality to be able to do nothing for a whole day. but it just feels rite today, to rest, to just be alone and to enjoy the stillness and quietness, and sounds of churchbells, and rain, and to just relax and enjoy being here. its really nice. i think because its so miserable out, im ok with resolving to have a quiet day, i dont feel as guilty for doing nothing.

i am off to light some candles and drink some tea.. i just felt like i had to write, because this kind of day and these kinds of moments are what help refresh my soul and get me thru. it is good. hope you all are having a fabulous weekend..

latest

so, as you all know, its been tough going here lately.. persectution, false accusations, physical violence, spiritual oppression, blow after blow after blow.. etc.. daily i cry. daily i give up. daily i perservere, crying out to God, can you hear me? and asking and seeking after His truth with all of my heart.. knowing He has to hear, He has to know whats going on, even though everything in me screams otherwise..

it blows my mind that in the pits of despair, He rescues us. from our hearts deepest ache and our souls most sorrowful moments, He hears. and cares. the last month especially i have been challenged so much.. i have literally thought i would not make it, and could not make it and had no clue what to do.. as i sat bawling my eyes out last nite at the weight and horridness of it all, God spoke..

do you love me?.. (yes, Lord).. feed my sheep.
do you trust me?.. (yes, Lord).. perservere even though you see not, nor feel not.
do you have faith?.. (yes, Lord).. trust me in the darkness and oppression.
do you love me?.. (yes, of course, Lord).. obey me.. bless those who persecute you.. pray for those who curse you, love your enemies. literally. do it.

hmm... the reality of my faith, is that i am in a battle. daily.. my life is not my own and i have been bought with a price.. in order to find it, i must take my cross, follow Him and lay it down for the sake of the gospel. i must love those that hate me with out cause and pray for them and love them and bless them? uh... ok..

BUT GOD, is so faithful.. imagine that.. today, i was walking thru drimnagh, full of fear. gripped with fear actually, from everything that has been going on lately.. i was deep in conflict, cuz i have been doing nothing lately but trying to trust Him, and i am meditating on truth, believing His promises, but feeling nothing different.. fear.. oppression.. they were following me, and i was doing everything rite.. it didnt make sense..

so, after doing my thing there.. i got on the bus and just started praying.. what is going on?
Lord? ugh.. just felt frustrated, and was irratated that even though i was trusting, seeking, asking, praying, waiting.. that it was not helping.. i didnt feel different.. in fact, i felt worse.. but yet, this small voice in my head just kept saying.. keep trusting.. keep praying.. keep seeking.. keep waiting.. and rejoice..

so i resolved to love, cuz in my head, the verse, "love covers a multitude of sins", and the thought that anything done in faith and to the Lord will bring Him glory and so.. set out to love those who were trying to ruin me..

then.. even though i felt nothing but discouragement and depression, i remembered that, "i am more than a conqueror in Him", that, "He will keep Him in perfect peace, Him whose mind is stayed on Him", "i can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength", "that My grace is perfected thru my weakness".. "that He has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, peace and that of a sound mind".. and i resolved to believe these things and walk in them.. regardless of how i feel.. cuz faith is being sure of what we dont see and walking in that.

perserverance and praising in the pits, pretty much is what ive been learning.. and also to rejoice, love, bless, and obey.. cuz my life isnt my own.. to believe Him that He has the victory.. that He has broken down the hostility and we can walk in that victory and faith, at all times.. and God, is amazing!! He has honoured that obedience!!

like, tonite at club.. best nite i have ever had.. the most fun, the most connections with the kids.. brilliant, amazing, fabulous evening.. then jenn and i went to drimnagh to drop off kids.. she had to get out of the van and was gone for about 20 minutes, and wouldnt you know.. its 10 oclock at nite, and up walks this young one weve been having trouble with to the van.. and i saw her and had nothing but peace, and was praising God for the protection and she opend the door and was apologising all over herself, going on and on and on and on.. and jenn walked over all worried.. and God lifted my heart into heaven and gave me so much peace.. and life, and joy and strength and light..

its hard to describe.. but all i can say is that God is faithful to Himself.. we can actually trust Him.. that we can walk in faith in His promises and even when we are so low.. He will lift us up in due time.. but we can not give up, and when we do.. to keep praising and obeying and He is good.. He is faithful. He has a reason for saying the things He does.. and just has blown my mind by His goodness.. the only way i can feel to say it is, "it works!".. trusting God.. believing everything He says, very literally, and walking in those things, works.. peace.. overwhelming peace.. protection.. joy.. and i have found my life by doing the exact opposite thing that the world is use to.. God is amazing... truly amazing.. so thank you for praying.. so much.. He has lifted the oppression and brought His joy and His life and His kingdom here..

"the Lord binds up the bruises of His people, and heals the wounds of the afflicted.." isa. 30:26

"although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, your teachers wil be hidden no more, wiht you own eyes you will se them. whether you turn to the rite or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, `this is the way, walk in it.`" isa. 30:20-21

"by the way that he came he will return, and he will not enter this city, declares the Lord, i will defend this city and save it, for my names sake, and for the sake of david my servant."! isa. 37:33-35

"i would have lost heart, unless i had believed that i would see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living." ps. 26:13

"some trust in chariots, some in horses, but we will remember the name of the Lord our God." ps. 20:7

intense

the spiritual battle around here lately has been so intense and so real and i am moment by moment at the mercy of God to help me stand. the oppression in the community that i work in, is so thick and so dark, that sometimes it feels like you can cut it with a knife, except for the fact that that would offer some sort of release and relief, there is none. false accustions, lies, personal threats, and so much evil surrounds me that sometimes, that hearing God's voice and remembering who i am and what He says, is so difficult, its a crushing, suffocating feeling. within the last 3 weeks especially, it has been so difficult, standing in faith and truth seems close to impossible, and then walking? its more like a limp, and a crawl. as i read thru the psalms, i can relate to david, when men hated him for no reason, that men were telling lies and trying to defeat him, trying to confuse, hurt and destroy him without reason.

its a time where the darkness and oppression are so thick that it messes with my mind.. trying to cause depression, and this dark cloud just to sit above me, and the whispers and evil of every form are just trying to intensly to destroy me.. not happenin. praise the Lord that He is in me and for His Word.. in pauls letters to the corinthians it talks about being pressed on every side, but not crushed.. imagine that feeling.. pressed.. clostraphobic, seeing and actually feeling everything caving in around you and gasping for air, thats the oppression thats been happening, yet i am not crushed.. persecuted, people hating you without cause, spreading lies and deciept on every corner.. yet i am not abandon, for i have a King who will never leave me. perplexed.. so confused, so with out a clue, and yet, not in despair. struck down.. utterly taken out and hurt without a reason, physically, mentally and emotionally have nothing left, no legs to stand.. and yet i am not destroyed..

everything that has been going on lately has caused me to cry out to God with breath and hope that i barely have. as i see and feel nothing but evil, and am in the middle of some really bad stuff, i go to Him.. believe on Him. His Words, for His Word is not chained.. He is victorious and has called me to stand in Him. its caused me to rejoice even in all the bad, unfair, dark and evil stuff that is happening, for in Him i have hope and an inheritence that can never be destroyed. to rejoice always. in the storm, in the oppression, to call upon the name of Jesus and see Him come to me. He has seemed silent, He has seemed so far off, and yet, i rejoice, i read His Word more and i keep praying and waiting and trusting and praising, even though i dont feel a thing. i believe in faith that Jesus is keeping me, that i am His and somehow He gives me just enough to keep on.

it is rough here, its so difficult and defeating and so dark that i can not describe it to you. as i hear and see nothing, yet keep rejoicing and somehow keep believing in His promises which i can not feel, He speaks.. in small things in people all around me, He has let me hear His voice.. yesterday.. He is faithful, He is good, at all times.. circumstances have not changed here, and yet, God is good. He is light, in Him there is no darkness at all, and as we draw near to Him, the darkness must flee, for we are the light of the world. here is what He whispered to me yesterday thru people all over the place..

"if you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." john 15:7

"for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands." 1 sam. 17:47

"He who has began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion, until the day of Christ Jesus." phil. 1:6

"it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again." gal. 5:1

its been a month of trials, false accusations, tears and devestation at times, and i am called to faith. to ask things in Jesus name, without doubting.. i am called to stay in His Word, rejoice that i have a salvation and Saviour that will never be taken away. to rejoice in Gods goodness that does not change, to keep going, trusting, waiting and praising Him in the darkness.. to fully armour myself with His armour, to believe in His promises and stay so close to Him, even when i feel it not. "this too shall pass". to finish His good work, by His strength, for He is well acquanted with all of my ways, and one day all will be made rite and new. to serve Him alone, knowing my heart is right before Him and called to live as He is my audience of one. to cling onto Him, and to believe and rest in His love, which is unfailing and neverending. i am in Christ. as i continue to drench myself in His truths and promises in the Word, i am finding a mercy, a comfort and a joy that only my God can give. somehow i can basque in Jesus and let His Word delight my soul in the midst of really bad things.

what an amazing, all-powerful God we serve. i would love your prayers while i am here as well. for spiritual, emotional, mental and physical protection and that God would guard my heart and mind in the knowledge of His goodness, love and perfect and pleasing will. and that i would hear His voice and that He would come into this place and move in His power for His glory, and that His blinding light and glory would fall upon these people and for His Word to change lives. pray for a release of this darkness and oppression, for the light of the glory of the Lord to shine so brightly, that the darkness must flee. pray for truth. pray for wisdom, for guidance and for His Spirit to continue to fill me as i seek Him and as He pursues my heart.

"no weapon formed against you will prosper, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from Me," declares the Lord." isa. 54:17

"for I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.” jer. 31:25

"when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him." isa. 59:19b

and He whispers, `just a little while longer`.. "and behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to everyone according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last...", "and the Spirit and the bride say, `come`!" rev. 22:12-13, 17

france, germany and switzerland

very rarely am i speechless. i can usually write and put things into word pictures extremely well. well the last 5 days, i have been unable to speak, my breath has been taken away, and not even a million words or a thousand pictures could capture the beauty that i have seen the last week.

i went to visit melissa wright over in kandern, germany. i was happy enough that i was getting a break and time to relax in a small german town, and getting time to catch up with an amazing friend, but little did i know that in those 4 days, i would go places i never dreamed or even imagined being. God seriously blessed me beyond what i could ever thank Him for and gave me experiences that i will truely never forget. i am not impressed easily, but this last week was speechless, and like a wide eyed kid in the biggest candy store ever.


it once was every new place i went was the newest "most beautiful place ever!", but after having been to all of the u.k, eastern and western europe, australia and the like, i am realising that i couldnt ever pic just one place, and that each place is unique in beauty like no other. my goodness, my heart is so thankful and i am so grateful for the experiences that God has given me. i cant even fathom what i have done in my 25 years.. little once shy shawnda from gresham, oregon, has done what? even i have to just look at my life and just fall to my knees in thanks to God. i have over 300 pictures that i took this last week, but only am going to post a moderate few. melissa, (i love you, melissa), took me all over germany, to villages, vineyards and castles in france, and to amazing towns in switzerland and we ended up in the alps!! i still am in shock. so i am going to stop writing and give God all the glory and praise. we serve a very good, King. He alone deserves the praise, glory, honour, majesty and splendour and thanks.. my goodness.. wow.

"the heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork." psalm 19:1





















"i will life my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." psalm 121:1

"every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation of shadow or turning." james 1:17