intense

the spiritual battle around here lately has been so intense and so real and i am moment by moment at the mercy of God to help me stand. the oppression in the community that i work in, is so thick and so dark, that sometimes it feels like you can cut it with a knife, except for the fact that that would offer some sort of release and relief, there is none. false accustions, lies, personal threats, and so much evil surrounds me that sometimes, that hearing God's voice and remembering who i am and what He says, is so difficult, its a crushing, suffocating feeling. within the last 3 weeks especially, it has been so difficult, standing in faith and truth seems close to impossible, and then walking? its more like a limp, and a crawl. as i read thru the psalms, i can relate to david, when men hated him for no reason, that men were telling lies and trying to defeat him, trying to confuse, hurt and destroy him without reason.

its a time where the darkness and oppression are so thick that it messes with my mind.. trying to cause depression, and this dark cloud just to sit above me, and the whispers and evil of every form are just trying to intensly to destroy me.. not happenin. praise the Lord that He is in me and for His Word.. in pauls letters to the corinthians it talks about being pressed on every side, but not crushed.. imagine that feeling.. pressed.. clostraphobic, seeing and actually feeling everything caving in around you and gasping for air, thats the oppression thats been happening, yet i am not crushed.. persecuted, people hating you without cause, spreading lies and deciept on every corner.. yet i am not abandon, for i have a King who will never leave me. perplexed.. so confused, so with out a clue, and yet, not in despair. struck down.. utterly taken out and hurt without a reason, physically, mentally and emotionally have nothing left, no legs to stand.. and yet i am not destroyed..

everything that has been going on lately has caused me to cry out to God with breath and hope that i barely have. as i see and feel nothing but evil, and am in the middle of some really bad stuff, i go to Him.. believe on Him. His Words, for His Word is not chained.. He is victorious and has called me to stand in Him. its caused me to rejoice even in all the bad, unfair, dark and evil stuff that is happening, for in Him i have hope and an inheritence that can never be destroyed. to rejoice always. in the storm, in the oppression, to call upon the name of Jesus and see Him come to me. He has seemed silent, He has seemed so far off, and yet, i rejoice, i read His Word more and i keep praying and waiting and trusting and praising, even though i dont feel a thing. i believe in faith that Jesus is keeping me, that i am His and somehow He gives me just enough to keep on.

it is rough here, its so difficult and defeating and so dark that i can not describe it to you. as i hear and see nothing, yet keep rejoicing and somehow keep believing in His promises which i can not feel, He speaks.. in small things in people all around me, He has let me hear His voice.. yesterday.. He is faithful, He is good, at all times.. circumstances have not changed here, and yet, God is good. He is light, in Him there is no darkness at all, and as we draw near to Him, the darkness must flee, for we are the light of the world. here is what He whispered to me yesterday thru people all over the place..

"if you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." john 15:7

"for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands." 1 sam. 17:47

"He who has began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion, until the day of Christ Jesus." phil. 1:6

"it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again." gal. 5:1

its been a month of trials, false accusations, tears and devestation at times, and i am called to faith. to ask things in Jesus name, without doubting.. i am called to stay in His Word, rejoice that i have a salvation and Saviour that will never be taken away. to rejoice in Gods goodness that does not change, to keep going, trusting, waiting and praising Him in the darkness.. to fully armour myself with His armour, to believe in His promises and stay so close to Him, even when i feel it not. "this too shall pass". to finish His good work, by His strength, for He is well acquanted with all of my ways, and one day all will be made rite and new. to serve Him alone, knowing my heart is right before Him and called to live as He is my audience of one. to cling onto Him, and to believe and rest in His love, which is unfailing and neverending. i am in Christ. as i continue to drench myself in His truths and promises in the Word, i am finding a mercy, a comfort and a joy that only my God can give. somehow i can basque in Jesus and let His Word delight my soul in the midst of really bad things.

what an amazing, all-powerful God we serve. i would love your prayers while i am here as well. for spiritual, emotional, mental and physical protection and that God would guard my heart and mind in the knowledge of His goodness, love and perfect and pleasing will. and that i would hear His voice and that He would come into this place and move in His power for His glory, and that His blinding light and glory would fall upon these people and for His Word to change lives. pray for a release of this darkness and oppression, for the light of the glory of the Lord to shine so brightly, that the darkness must flee. pray for truth. pray for wisdom, for guidance and for His Spirit to continue to fill me as i seek Him and as He pursues my heart.

"no weapon formed against you will prosper, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from Me," declares the Lord." isa. 54:17

"for I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.” jer. 31:25

"when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him." isa. 59:19b

and He whispers, `just a little while longer`.. "and behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to everyone according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last...", "and the Spirit and the bride say, `come`!" rev. 22:12-13, 17