good.

wow, when things are good here, they are really good. God has been answering so many prayers, things have been so amazing and.. wow.. He just answers prayers and is amazing. life is so wonderful at the moment, God is working, and moving in so many ways, and you can just feel it.

thank you for those of you that pray, and for those of you that just read.. be so encouraged, there is a God, and He is good. all the time. no matter what, and is in love with you. i know theres so much evil and so many bad things that happen and that dont seem fair.. but God is aware, there are answers, and most importantly, He cares and is working and moving in situations that seem hopeless. He answers prayers.. He is good.. life is good..

"Lord, you establish peace for us, all that we accomplished, You have done for us." isa. 26:12

today

i was realising today that the only time i write on here is when something really intense, dramatic or exciting happens, which is pretty much every day.. but there are those rare days where everything seems somewhat "normal", and that life is ok in the world.. today is one of those days..

its sunday morning, and pouring rain, which i am loving, actually. my roomate is away, and the mission is perfectly quiet. in 3 hours, a nigerian church will be downstairs having a 5 hour service, (equiped with whistles and blowhorns and all), and soon the sound of rain on my roof will no longer be heard. rather, songs of praise in a nigerian dialect, and a sermon being shouted thru an unecessary microphone, right below my room.

i decided to not make any plans with people today, except maybe going upstairs to annie's and watching a movie and drinking tea. perhaps reading a book, or crotcheing a scarf (thanks to trina chase, i am able for that). normal, quiet, peaceful days are rare around here, as is my personality to be able to do nothing for a whole day. but it just feels rite today, to rest, to just be alone and to enjoy the stillness and quietness, and sounds of churchbells, and rain, and to just relax and enjoy being here. its really nice. i think because its so miserable out, im ok with resolving to have a quiet day, i dont feel as guilty for doing nothing.

i am off to light some candles and drink some tea.. i just felt like i had to write, because this kind of day and these kinds of moments are what help refresh my soul and get me thru. it is good. hope you all are having a fabulous weekend..

latest

so, as you all know, its been tough going here lately.. persectution, false accusations, physical violence, spiritual oppression, blow after blow after blow.. etc.. daily i cry. daily i give up. daily i perservere, crying out to God, can you hear me? and asking and seeking after His truth with all of my heart.. knowing He has to hear, He has to know whats going on, even though everything in me screams otherwise..

it blows my mind that in the pits of despair, He rescues us. from our hearts deepest ache and our souls most sorrowful moments, He hears. and cares. the last month especially i have been challenged so much.. i have literally thought i would not make it, and could not make it and had no clue what to do.. as i sat bawling my eyes out last nite at the weight and horridness of it all, God spoke..

do you love me?.. (yes, Lord).. feed my sheep.
do you trust me?.. (yes, Lord).. perservere even though you see not, nor feel not.
do you have faith?.. (yes, Lord).. trust me in the darkness and oppression.
do you love me?.. (yes, of course, Lord).. obey me.. bless those who persecute you.. pray for those who curse you, love your enemies. literally. do it.

hmm... the reality of my faith, is that i am in a battle. daily.. my life is not my own and i have been bought with a price.. in order to find it, i must take my cross, follow Him and lay it down for the sake of the gospel. i must love those that hate me with out cause and pray for them and love them and bless them? uh... ok..

BUT GOD, is so faithful.. imagine that.. today, i was walking thru drimnagh, full of fear. gripped with fear actually, from everything that has been going on lately.. i was deep in conflict, cuz i have been doing nothing lately but trying to trust Him, and i am meditating on truth, believing His promises, but feeling nothing different.. fear.. oppression.. they were following me, and i was doing everything rite.. it didnt make sense..

so, after doing my thing there.. i got on the bus and just started praying.. what is going on?
Lord? ugh.. just felt frustrated, and was irratated that even though i was trusting, seeking, asking, praying, waiting.. that it was not helping.. i didnt feel different.. in fact, i felt worse.. but yet, this small voice in my head just kept saying.. keep trusting.. keep praying.. keep seeking.. keep waiting.. and rejoice..

so i resolved to love, cuz in my head, the verse, "love covers a multitude of sins", and the thought that anything done in faith and to the Lord will bring Him glory and so.. set out to love those who were trying to ruin me..

then.. even though i felt nothing but discouragement and depression, i remembered that, "i am more than a conqueror in Him", that, "He will keep Him in perfect peace, Him whose mind is stayed on Him", "i can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength", "that My grace is perfected thru my weakness".. "that He has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, peace and that of a sound mind".. and i resolved to believe these things and walk in them.. regardless of how i feel.. cuz faith is being sure of what we dont see and walking in that.

perserverance and praising in the pits, pretty much is what ive been learning.. and also to rejoice, love, bless, and obey.. cuz my life isnt my own.. to believe Him that He has the victory.. that He has broken down the hostility and we can walk in that victory and faith, at all times.. and God, is amazing!! He has honoured that obedience!!

like, tonite at club.. best nite i have ever had.. the most fun, the most connections with the kids.. brilliant, amazing, fabulous evening.. then jenn and i went to drimnagh to drop off kids.. she had to get out of the van and was gone for about 20 minutes, and wouldnt you know.. its 10 oclock at nite, and up walks this young one weve been having trouble with to the van.. and i saw her and had nothing but peace, and was praising God for the protection and she opend the door and was apologising all over herself, going on and on and on and on.. and jenn walked over all worried.. and God lifted my heart into heaven and gave me so much peace.. and life, and joy and strength and light..

its hard to describe.. but all i can say is that God is faithful to Himself.. we can actually trust Him.. that we can walk in faith in His promises and even when we are so low.. He will lift us up in due time.. but we can not give up, and when we do.. to keep praising and obeying and He is good.. He is faithful. He has a reason for saying the things He does.. and just has blown my mind by His goodness.. the only way i can feel to say it is, "it works!".. trusting God.. believing everything He says, very literally, and walking in those things, works.. peace.. overwhelming peace.. protection.. joy.. and i have found my life by doing the exact opposite thing that the world is use to.. God is amazing... truly amazing.. so thank you for praying.. so much.. He has lifted the oppression and brought His joy and His life and His kingdom here..

"the Lord binds up the bruises of His people, and heals the wounds of the afflicted.." isa. 30:26

"although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, your teachers wil be hidden no more, wiht you own eyes you will se them. whether you turn to the rite or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, `this is the way, walk in it.`" isa. 30:20-21

"by the way that he came he will return, and he will not enter this city, declares the Lord, i will defend this city and save it, for my names sake, and for the sake of david my servant."! isa. 37:33-35

"i would have lost heart, unless i had believed that i would see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living." ps. 26:13

"some trust in chariots, some in horses, but we will remember the name of the Lord our God." ps. 20:7

intense

the spiritual battle around here lately has been so intense and so real and i am moment by moment at the mercy of God to help me stand. the oppression in the community that i work in, is so thick and so dark, that sometimes it feels like you can cut it with a knife, except for the fact that that would offer some sort of release and relief, there is none. false accustions, lies, personal threats, and so much evil surrounds me that sometimes, that hearing God's voice and remembering who i am and what He says, is so difficult, its a crushing, suffocating feeling. within the last 3 weeks especially, it has been so difficult, standing in faith and truth seems close to impossible, and then walking? its more like a limp, and a crawl. as i read thru the psalms, i can relate to david, when men hated him for no reason, that men were telling lies and trying to defeat him, trying to confuse, hurt and destroy him without reason.

its a time where the darkness and oppression are so thick that it messes with my mind.. trying to cause depression, and this dark cloud just to sit above me, and the whispers and evil of every form are just trying to intensly to destroy me.. not happenin. praise the Lord that He is in me and for His Word.. in pauls letters to the corinthians it talks about being pressed on every side, but not crushed.. imagine that feeling.. pressed.. clostraphobic, seeing and actually feeling everything caving in around you and gasping for air, thats the oppression thats been happening, yet i am not crushed.. persecuted, people hating you without cause, spreading lies and deciept on every corner.. yet i am not abandon, for i have a King who will never leave me. perplexed.. so confused, so with out a clue, and yet, not in despair. struck down.. utterly taken out and hurt without a reason, physically, mentally and emotionally have nothing left, no legs to stand.. and yet i am not destroyed..

everything that has been going on lately has caused me to cry out to God with breath and hope that i barely have. as i see and feel nothing but evil, and am in the middle of some really bad stuff, i go to Him.. believe on Him. His Words, for His Word is not chained.. He is victorious and has called me to stand in Him. its caused me to rejoice even in all the bad, unfair, dark and evil stuff that is happening, for in Him i have hope and an inheritence that can never be destroyed. to rejoice always. in the storm, in the oppression, to call upon the name of Jesus and see Him come to me. He has seemed silent, He has seemed so far off, and yet, i rejoice, i read His Word more and i keep praying and waiting and trusting and praising, even though i dont feel a thing. i believe in faith that Jesus is keeping me, that i am His and somehow He gives me just enough to keep on.

it is rough here, its so difficult and defeating and so dark that i can not describe it to you. as i hear and see nothing, yet keep rejoicing and somehow keep believing in His promises which i can not feel, He speaks.. in small things in people all around me, He has let me hear His voice.. yesterday.. He is faithful, He is good, at all times.. circumstances have not changed here, and yet, God is good. He is light, in Him there is no darkness at all, and as we draw near to Him, the darkness must flee, for we are the light of the world. here is what He whispered to me yesterday thru people all over the place..

"if you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." john 15:7

"for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands." 1 sam. 17:47

"He who has began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion, until the day of Christ Jesus." phil. 1:6

"it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again." gal. 5:1

its been a month of trials, false accusations, tears and devestation at times, and i am called to faith. to ask things in Jesus name, without doubting.. i am called to stay in His Word, rejoice that i have a salvation and Saviour that will never be taken away. to rejoice in Gods goodness that does not change, to keep going, trusting, waiting and praising Him in the darkness.. to fully armour myself with His armour, to believe in His promises and stay so close to Him, even when i feel it not. "this too shall pass". to finish His good work, by His strength, for He is well acquanted with all of my ways, and one day all will be made rite and new. to serve Him alone, knowing my heart is right before Him and called to live as He is my audience of one. to cling onto Him, and to believe and rest in His love, which is unfailing and neverending. i am in Christ. as i continue to drench myself in His truths and promises in the Word, i am finding a mercy, a comfort and a joy that only my God can give. somehow i can basque in Jesus and let His Word delight my soul in the midst of really bad things.

what an amazing, all-powerful God we serve. i would love your prayers while i am here as well. for spiritual, emotional, mental and physical protection and that God would guard my heart and mind in the knowledge of His goodness, love and perfect and pleasing will. and that i would hear His voice and that He would come into this place and move in His power for His glory, and that His blinding light and glory would fall upon these people and for His Word to change lives. pray for a release of this darkness and oppression, for the light of the glory of the Lord to shine so brightly, that the darkness must flee. pray for truth. pray for wisdom, for guidance and for His Spirit to continue to fill me as i seek Him and as He pursues my heart.

"no weapon formed against you will prosper, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from Me," declares the Lord." isa. 54:17

"for I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.” jer. 31:25

"when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him." isa. 59:19b

and He whispers, `just a little while longer`.. "and behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to everyone according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last...", "and the Spirit and the bride say, `come`!" rev. 22:12-13, 17

france, germany and switzerland

very rarely am i speechless. i can usually write and put things into word pictures extremely well. well the last 5 days, i have been unable to speak, my breath has been taken away, and not even a million words or a thousand pictures could capture the beauty that i have seen the last week.

i went to visit melissa wright over in kandern, germany. i was happy enough that i was getting a break and time to relax in a small german town, and getting time to catch up with an amazing friend, but little did i know that in those 4 days, i would go places i never dreamed or even imagined being. God seriously blessed me beyond what i could ever thank Him for and gave me experiences that i will truely never forget. i am not impressed easily, but this last week was speechless, and like a wide eyed kid in the biggest candy store ever.


it once was every new place i went was the newest "most beautiful place ever!", but after having been to all of the u.k, eastern and western europe, australia and the like, i am realising that i couldnt ever pic just one place, and that each place is unique in beauty like no other. my goodness, my heart is so thankful and i am so grateful for the experiences that God has given me. i cant even fathom what i have done in my 25 years.. little once shy shawnda from gresham, oregon, has done what? even i have to just look at my life and just fall to my knees in thanks to God. i have over 300 pictures that i took this last week, but only am going to post a moderate few. melissa, (i love you, melissa), took me all over germany, to villages, vineyards and castles in france, and to amazing towns in switzerland and we ended up in the alps!! i still am in shock. so i am going to stop writing and give God all the glory and praise. we serve a very good, King. He alone deserves the praise, glory, honour, majesty and splendour and thanks.. my goodness.. wow.

"the heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork." psalm 19:1





















"i will life my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." psalm 121:1

"every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation of shadow or turning." james 1:17