life and stuff

so i wrote a very large email to as many ppl as i have email addresses for that i think read this.. its like 20k, and really important, as far as how to be praying and all that, but i have realised that i mention names and stuff and cant post it on here.. so if you would love to pray, plz let me know and ill send you the email.. its important stuff!! so lemme know..

in the mean time, here are some pics for you to see my time here!theres a pic of our whole dcm team away at our weekend, a couple of samaria (my roomate) and i.. one from camp, and just other random ones.its beautiful here... so thanks for all your prayers, God is working and moving.God bless you all!!

sick

today we are leaving for our big staff week away, to plan and prepare and organize and everything, and well all need as much focus and energy as possible.. and today, wouldnt u kno it, i woke up sick.. a couple other ppl are too.. and its very bad timing.. if you would pray that God would heal me.. rite now, that would be so appreciated. He has taken care of me this whole time here, and i kno He can this minute. pray God heals my body and is my strength this week. pray i start to heal this minute and pray i dont get worse. thanks so much.

so cool

we all prayed.. internet works.. so good! were away all week at a staff planning wknd. pray for new vision, wisdom and God's guidance.

also, jus keep praying for the kids/teens/ppl.. suicide. hate. drugs. figthing, and alcohol, are the biggies. God is moving and has so much more planned than we could ever imagine, pray He moves and brings salvation and hope to these ppl.. ill write more when back.. thanks all

internets down again

yay.. no internet in our building again.. so.. ya. ill write more when we get it up and running cuz i hate coming to inernet cafes to do all this... plus, tuesday we go on an all staff retreat till friday nite... and wont be around all next week anyways.. ill write when we get it workin again.. till then, thanks for the continued prayers.. they are very needed.. this place is such a mess! (dublin).. love you all.. talk soon

in and not of, thank God!

i really need you to pray for the ppl that have heard that gospel in the last couple weeks of going out and stuff..

but this city!! my goodness.. i was sitting on my bed yesterday putting on makeup and i heard this guy shouting outside, which is pretty normal, and i look out and we have this like spiked fence dirt lot behind us and this couple was hidden behind it with some mattresses to hide them, and they were just shooting each other up with needles, like properly freaking out.. ive gotten so many drunk phone calls at nite, from these ppl ive met needing to talk, and as im hanging out with more and people from town, like its just so sad, bcuz the hold of drugs that satan has on these ppl is out of control. like weed, cocaine, heroine, alcohol and porn is all these ppl do. amazing beautiful ppl with hearts longing to be redeemed, they dont know it, but they are so lost and so in need of hope.. like this guy i was talking to yesterday was tellin me that the point of life was to have fun and make it thru each day the best you can.. and he has no idea there is anything more than doing mushrooms and playing music. )= its breakin my heart! just looking outside and seeing everyone on drugs.. like i was tellin him how cool it was that all the public bathrooms have cool black lites as their ligthing, and then he told me thats so ppl cant shoot up in the bathrooms, cuz in black lites you cant see ur veins.. ugh! just so much.. so much oppression, so much darkness.. hidden in the "fun" of dublin.. this is where everyone comes to party, cuz its actually gorgeous and the friendliest ppl ive ever met.. but its so sad. then, on top of the drugs, ppl just get in fights for no reason.. its absolutely out of control.. walking home and having to watch the sidewalk where i am walking bcuz of all the piles of vomit and people peeing in every corner and crevice... not even exagerrating.. my heart is breaking.. cuz i am meeting amazing ppl everywhere i go.. and realising how hopeless their lives are and just how much there is around me, its so sad..

so, if you could be praying for them all, (if you have real emails send it to me at: hisforever1@yahoo.com, and ill send you names), but i desperately need you guys to pray for these ppl.. these are all guys that have heard the gospel and are going to have to make a decision, pray that God would pursue them, and work in their hearts and show them his love and hope and truth and life, and continue to use me in any way in their lives. pray for the ppl i have yet to share with, for oppurtunities and soft hearts, ready to receive. pray against the evil one.

pray for victory over the darkness. pray for Gods spirit to move, pray for freedom for these ppl. pray God would use me, that i would continue to trust in faith that God loves these ppl more than i do, and that He desires to redeem them and set them free.. pray for the Spirit of God to move in ways that i couldnt even begin to ask. praise God for His gospel, His faithfulness to Himself and His love for these ppl. praise God that He does have a purpose and a plan, praise Him that He is good.. pray His will be done. and that He would save these ppl. "joe" ill call him, is especially is on my heart.. pray for him, his soul, his salvation.. pray for satans plans to be thwarted and for Christ to save His ppl..

for Christ died for such a ppl as these. the hurting, broken, drug addicted, lost souls who are not seeking after Him. He loves us and them equally, and this love is more than i could ever imagine! pray this love, this God, changes lives, "for such were some of you, but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God." 1 cor. 6:11
He is willing. will you ask with me for these ppls souls? thank you guys. amen

ode to..

donuts.

this is one of the many reasons i love samaria.. we share the same love for donuts.. mmm.. so good..

by the way.. there were a bunch of ppl at our house, those werent all for us.. haha

pray for

if you could, please pray for

₧ my spiritual protection.. just for truth to invade my mind and heart and soul.
₧ that God would indeed protect me from the evil one, and continue to establish me in righteousness.
₧ that He would keep me focused on Him, in His word, in His truth, and love passionately thru me.
₧ that He would be my joy, my strength and my all.
₧ that i would continue to delite in Him with all that i have, so that i may live and love every second.
₧ for clarity, passion, vision, discernment, wisdom and joy.

thanks guys.. spiritual battle is real. God is victorious. just need to prayers of His ppl.

God is soo good. just seein so much here, need Him every single second. cheers

Christ

makes ppl nervous..
there is a battle.
an enemy.
trying to steal the planted word.
but Jesus is victorious.
He will not let His word fail.
we are just called to proclaim it.
not be scared of reactions
because it freaks ppl out.
but in love to tell them so that they can hear.
how can they believe on One whom they have not heard.
what happens to the seed is not our responsibility.
its to tell.
to love.
it will make them uncomfortable.
but they might die soon,
do they know Jesus cuz of you?

He is mighty.
He has promised.
are we telling?
are we showing?
uncomfortable,
awkward,
negative reactions
not our concern.
telling about Jesus.
facing with a choice.
His word, His gospel
changes lives.
not maybe,
are well telling,
living,
showing,
loving,
Jesus?

©2007 Shawnda Holzer

alive

"all men die, but not all men truely live." (braveheart)

i am truely alive. it is so good.

ahh.... my heart

i truely felt my heart beat again. 3 years of emotion and memories and feelings, all came crashing into my little world as i pulled into the town of enniskillen of friday night. if you know anything about me, you'd know that for so long i have longed to be at this place, longed to see these ppl, and i knew for 3 years, that it wasnt quite time yet. as i pulled in i could hardly keep myself from crying, with joy, i really wanted to, but didnt want to see everyone like i had left.. in tears. but this time they were of joy, my heart felt like it was going to explode with joy. a happiness even, that i have not felt in so long. it was time.


i have been thinking about it, and have realised that i have such a love for that place and those people, that its really actually quite hard to describe, and when i left a little over 3 years ago, i felt my heart being ripped out and left in little peices there. obviously my heart is Gods, but i truely left a part of myself there, and in order to cope in coming back home and to be ok, i had to die to enniskillen in a way. it had to become "the past", and i had to force myself to move on, and praise God for my time there, and grieve the loss of this and really had to come to terms with the reality that i probably would never be there again, or see those ppl again. going back this last weekend, i found those peices of my heart. i felt the parts of me that i had shoved and shifted aside to stop hurting and missing it, come back to me. it was time. Gods time for me to say, ah... and breathe with a truely beating heart again. i had a feeling of coming home. it was so amazing.


but the time i had there was amazing, so of God, and just what i have needed. i didnt make any plans with ppl, just told them i was coming, and the weekend couldnt have happened better if i tried. seriously, i get there, throw down my stuff, and im so full of adrenaline, that im literally running thru town with my camera, up to the old house, all the streets, every place i ever had a memory i went to and just stood and praised God. it was a gorgeous nite, and was literally all over the town in a couple hours. met some of my kids, stayed with an amazing family i knew really well over there, reminisced all nite and stayed up so late.. go into town the next mrng not having a clue where to find ppl, and just started going in all the shops. and one by one, God allowed me to see my best friend from there "randomly".. and then a couple i use to know, then one my of girls, then a bus thru town was comin in and i see this guy bangin the window at me i use to know.. went down to the water by the castle, cuz there was the world championships of wakeboarding and stuff happening. and as we sat down to watch it.. literally one by one my "favourites" started walking by. ( i know im not supposed to have favourites, but ya know.. the kids i wouldve really gotten closest to ). and seriously, theyre all like 16-22 yrs old now, and it was so cool running up behind them and giving them huge hugs when they didnt know i was in town, and i look totally different.. went out.. went to a birthday party where all these woman in the schools and churches were, and the teens were at.. like honestly, i could not have planned on seeing all these ppl and or for a better weekend, it was truely the happiest i have been in over 3 years. i couldnt stop smiling.. my kids couldnt believe i loved them as much as i said i did, to actually come back from the states.. they even said that in all 5 years of having youth workers, (most being from northern ireland) i was the only one that came back.. and they were so, you could just tell, felt really special and loved.

oh.. so good.. then all day sunday was brilliant, i was at so many ppls houses, eating, out and about.. honestly, ppl were inviting me out left and rite and i know now, i have literally about 30 homes to stay in this coming year, of ppl that really want to have me stay..

it was just the most amazing weekend. i was smiling like i have never smiled before.. and now i know that enniskillen is still there. still actually exactly the same. and i have my many homes there. for me, it was 3 years of grieiving over the loss of it, all over. i know that no matter where i am in this world now, that enniskillen is still there for me to come back to, that nothing has changed, i am loved, and my heart is put back together, it was all i needed, just to go back, see it.. see them.. be there.. its like when something is just so full and you need it to burst, it was that.. that, ah...... and joy and happiness.. and feeling so at home, being in a place where all my memories were, and seeing them again and getting my heart back. its so wierd, like i have been and lived so many im sure "cooler" places, at least ppl would think so, and yet.. northern ireland, very specifically has captured my heart. its where i fit.. i cant even describe it.. and im not sad anymore.. like no matter if im here, there or somewhere else.. the bubbles been burst, i have my heart in one piece and in my mind, i can go back anytime, so im ok. now im rambling cuz i cant explain it.. but it was just time, thats all i can say. the rite time.. and i havent been this happy in a really long time, praise God!!!

i just cannot believe this

God is amazing! the things He is doing is actually leaving me stunned.. the things He is speaking into my life thru ppl, are so... wow... and seeing Him do His thing.. wow... i have so much to write.. but i am just so like speechless.. and stunned by His goodness i cant even write.. God indeed is seated on His throne, and as we surrender to Him, just.. wow... i will be writing more soon..

G-R-A-C-E

i heard this from my friend, thought it was amazin..

grace

g-Gods
r-riches
a-at
c-Christs
e-expense

mm yes.. gotta love it.. truth beyond feelings. living knowing its true. hope.

all i can say.. is.. dude!!!

God is doing so much here.. and even in just letting me enjoy life.. lifes meant to enjoy, God is meant to enjoy, and its been a long time since i have had this much fun... praise God!

i freaking love ireland.

i have had the time of my entire life and ive been here what.. like a month? irish people are amazing.. went to this place 2nite called the celtic lodge.. pure irish music.. like the pipe flutes and irish drums and banjo-ey type thinging.. and the crooners, and the irish songs, like traditional ones everyone knew and were belting out at the top of their lungs, in their rugby tops.. with a guiness in hand.. oh.. so genius.. these guys taught me how to irish dance.. these ppl are just out to have a good time, they are so laid back, and so friendly.. i keep meetin the most amazing ppl! was out earlier today too and went to this traditional irish place, accents, music, friendly ppl singin their tunes.. rugby everywhere.. ppl just are so freakin friendly.. and the girls i was with are great, like tania came and visited me today and i actually cooked.. made proper rice pudding all by myself, from scrath.. oh yes... dublin, since its such a huge city, its like a melting pot for all these cultures.. like i walk the streets and rarely hear english, a third of the country are ppl from poland... like tonite there was me, 2 ppl from australia, 2 from switzerland, 2 from ireland and.. ya.. it was just so cool.. just wow.. being out and about with the ppl is amazin.. its something i cant even describe and im usually really good with words, but there are none. its just.. dude.. so amazing. praise God!!

Mansize blisters

and calluses all over my hands.. thats what a good day of workin hard will do for ya, huh? u should see my hands, they are wrecked, like.. sami and i went down to the campsite today to help billy with some stuff, and we shoveled and leveled dirt, hard, lumpy, cloddy dirt, all day.. and then like raked for hours.. it was a beautiful day out as well.. took the train, went all thru the country side and beaches, and it was soo good.. so sore now.. my hands are ruined for a bit, but what a sweet day.. ah yes.. it was very good..

imagine that

God answers prayers. so yesterday i was feeling a bit, down.. all the dcm staff are on holidays for 2 weeks and even my roomate was away for the weekend. it was so wierd. the first time its been quiet around here.. and im tellin ya.. it was very quite.. no one was about this huge building, but me... so here i sit, the rain, a tv, the internet, a Bible, some food... a cool view... but it was so quiet.. so i wrote that blog, trusting that God is good, and just started to pray.. for friends outside of dcm, that i could hang out with, that when i went and walked the streets, with thousands of ppl about, that i would get to kno them.. so i sat here most of the day.. just hanging out... but it go too quiet... i got kinda sad... so i got out of the flat and just started walking around, looking at ppl, and everything, and then my friend tania texted me, i met her at the homeless shelter, she is a voluteer there.. so her and her friends were going to a movie, and she wanted to 'bless me' and pay my way in.. yaay.. so i was about to go out, meet 6 girls, all who loved the Lord.. and we saw bourne ultimatem 3.. genius movie by the way... then afterwards they took me to this great place that had live irish music and we just sat and was brilliant! started the nite off really well, i was having so much fun, and then met these ppl, a girl and two guys, just while we were out.. so my friends took off, and i went to this other irish place with these 3 ppl. now.. i dont think ive had as much fun here yet, as i did last nite... irish ppl.. are hilarious! they are so fun.. then they started introducing me to their friends, and we hung out all nite.. pretty much till like 3 in the morning.. it was actually the funnest nite i have had in a long time.. got to talk with them about God and wat being a Christian meant over what they are use to and will definetly be seeing them again, friends, yaay.. and just being out, with ppl my age, that werent from dcm, and meeting other ppl in the huge city was so of the Lord.. and as a bonus, the most fun ive had yet. i feel so... independant.. being forced to have to do things myself, like.. literally not knowing a soul in a city of a million, and slowly making a dent in that million, and seeing myself grow in ways that are so cool... was a blast.. i got to see a different side of irish ppl.. rather than seeing the fighting, high, drunk, angry ppl, i got to see a laid back, chill, extremely funny and such a good time ppl. i love this place. i love what God is doing. i love that i am forced to get outside my bubble, which i didnt know i had. i love irish ppl, they are too fun, and i love that i am here.. its so good.. now i must go to church... hopefully meet some new ppl, huh? okays, talk soon.

thoughts

"see I am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am maknig a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." isaiah 43:19

God has hope for each of you, and me, in this new day. He says that every morning we are not consumed, and His mercies fail not but are new every morning. what a promise! that He takes care of us each day.. for me, the last month here as proved to be such a time of learning and having to depend on God so much, each day. i see myself so many times, trying to look ahead to the next day, month, year.. or whatever, but God is showing me so much, that this day, is new, is made by Him and has purpose. to rejoice in Him, be glad in this day.. and look for His mercies and provisions for this day alone. i am being shown over and over, that today is the day we are called to live. love. and today has hope. that this life is part of something so much greater than anything i can see. a love story God is weaving together, and daily is somehow calling me unto Himself. there are struggles, emotions, things i see and things i dont understand, some days more than others. but hope. perserverance. a faith in knowing my Saviour is on His throne, this day, and not one thing gets overlooked by my God causes me to push on. rejoicing in Him alone. knowing that i am not forgotten, knowing that i am loved. and knowing when things are good or bad, crazy and insane and seem out of control, or totally calm.. that God reigns. He is Sovreign and He is good. He has immense plans that we can be a part of. there is for me a hope reserved in heaven that can never fade, perish or spoil. i am loved. i have been given new mercy, joy and strength for this day, and there in lies the strength to trust. to keep going. and never tire. for God is Yahweh, is my Jehovah shamma.. My Lord who is there. here. with me, ever present, rite now and forever. what a good God, no matter what.

"i will rejoice in the Lord, i will be joyful in God my Saviour. the Sovreign Lord is my strength." habbakuk 3:17b-18.

©2007 Shawnda Holzer