i am such an idiot!

youd think that after 25 years of life, that eventually i would be not so stupid!! it just amazes me how after i do something, or after God teaches me something, the really, really hard way, i so soon forget and end up back in that same place again, but worse, and then, am like, oh ya. and then have to fix so much more..

sorry to have to burst some of your bubbles, but, i am such a wreckless person that does such stupid stuff sometimes, that has issues coming out of my ears, and i am just so highly imperfect that i feel just like paul, when he says, i am the chief of sinners. my goodness! i hate living in this world most times, and just have to cry out, oh God, who will save me from this body of death?! and very faintly hear in those moments... i thank God- thru Jesus Christ our Lord.

ah yes.

i have to praise God who lets us come as we are. in our misery. our anger. our disappointment. our guilt. our misunderstandings. our humanness. who lets us pour out our hearts.. and draws us back to Himself.. what a gracious, amazing, holy, merciful, forgiving, loving Saviour. cuz its so not me who does gets myself back on track. like just how in hosea how its all about God wooing us back to Himself, pursuing us vehemently even we are running away being adulterous. and how He gently whispers to our soul until we are broken at His feet in awe of such an amazing lover.

i found a couple verses today that i have really never seen before, at least they stuck out to me, they are totally unrelated to each other, or to this really, but i had to share

"for the Lord loves justice, and does not forget His saints; they are preserved forever. but the descendants of the wicked shall be cut off." psalm 37:28

how amazing.. cuz, we are His saints. i could go into all these other verses, but basically, by the blood of Christ, weve been adopted.. sealed by His Spirit.. weve been given robes of righteousness, garments of salvation and an inheritance that wont spoil or fade. Christ became our sin (!!!) so that we may have His righteousness. (what?!) the weight of sin is suffocating, and crushing, and life stealing.. and He experienced the weight of the whole worlds. (what?!) oh man, its just so much, like, becuz i know how it feels to totally fall flat on my face, and the shame and guilt of sin, and for Christ to have to feel what we feel when were at our worst.. and then realising that He gave us His identity.. and that we are perfected forever, becuz of Christ.. (what?!) i say that becuz its incredulous. but so good. i am free. you are free. and its so undeserved. and un-paybackable. and yet, its the only way.. the only way for that weight to be lifted. for our bodies to be free.

its just good. cuz i know myself. i know im a wreck. but i know im saved. and have a Saviour. a great King. who loves me. gosh.. i am so stupid though sometimes.. praise God He loves me enough to not give up, huh?

"open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me." acts 26:18

truley amazing.