awesome nite!!

thank you for praying.. overall.. the nite was brilliant! ill write more later.. i am so tired rite now.. here are some pics till i get a moment to type. thank you for praying though. God is good.

some pics

dublin at nite
me and the g's
glendalough
temple bar area
ireland
out back
outside dublin castle
temple bar area again
boardwalk outside

time

so off to the side i have two clocks. apparently, you all havent changed ur clocks yet.. we turned our back last nite. and i dont know how to change it on here.. so.. im actually one hour behind watever it says on here.. i know its confusing.. but... im sure yours will change soon then maybe it will on here too..

i am most definetly in europe.

dude.. tonite, i hung out with 8 guys all nite, rite? so..
one was from sweeden.
one was from the netherlands.
three were from france.
one was from japan.
one was from germany.
one was from brazil.
i love this! i love culture. i love europe. i love meeting new ppl. and this is so great! i was made for this!! ah... what a good nite.. its sooo what i needed!

please

just pray for me.
alot.
thanks guys.

st. pats. cathedral

is the most beautiful place i have seen in a long time.. inside that is.. i walk by it every day.. its gorgeous. like a castle in the middle of town.. but i got to go inside tonite.. if only i had my camera.. absolutely.. gorgeous!!! wow... archetecturely amazing.. beautiful... oh wow... so gorgeous inside.. k. just had to say.. wow! amazing

seriously

i am so fed up with drugs. so fed up with alcohol. so fed up with fightings.. and stabbings.. and hurt.. and beatings.. and and drinking and warring.. and hopelessness.. and gang mentality. and destruction. and suicide. and pain. and religous passivity. and theiving. and people wasting their lives, and having the evil one kill, steal and destroy ppl in front of my very eyes. i am sick of it.. and its time to stop. like these ppl dont know anything else, my kids dont know there is hope. they dont know there is something different. something better. they know nothing good.. and if they have seen glimpses of it, its been robbed from them, before they even could recognise it and its making me so angry.

halloween here for example, is not like it is back home.. no cutesy little kids dressing up asking for candy door to door.. no.. instead, every community has a bonfire.. kids start collecting wood early october.. and bonfires, huge.. like 40 feet high things, will be lit.. all nite long.. not so bad.. but mixed with kids starting to drink in the morning time, at the age of 11... being drunk by the nite.. not a good mix.. then there is the warring time at nite as well.. kids from the north side go to battle it out with the kids from the south side.. take two by fours.. bats.. watever will work to bash someones face in.. and will war each other.. just for the fun of it.. its what they do here.. drinking.. fire accidents.. warrings and stabbings.. welcome to everyday anyways, but the parents turn a blind eye on halloween, cuz its 'wat you do' on that day.. how ridiculous.. the hospitals will be full the next day of burn victoms, alcohol poisening and stabbing, and fighting victoms. please pray for us.. and our kids.. and protection.

there is hope. there is a reason i am here. there is Christ. He has defeated the evil one. He has defeated sin.. He has made a public spectacle of the evil one.. and does have rule and authority.. and dominion and power.. and He is the hope of these people.. and i am His ambassador.. i am so angry.. righteously angry, that these precious ppl are being robbed of their lives.. and am called here to stand in the gap for these people, before the throne of grace and beg God for their lives. He is out for His own glory, and will work, and will move, if i would ask. i do ask. i do beg, and plead for these ppl's souls.. God is good. God is in love with these ppl, and they are created in His image.. and it is time for the evil one to be bound and stopped from working and movin in these lives and areas. God is faithful. Jesus is victorious. and i am excited to see the Spirit of the Living God work and move in these kids and ppl and communities. no wonder Jesus wept.. i feel like sobbing when i come home everyday. and sometimes do.. the destruction and hopelessness around me is almost unbearable. almost.. until i remember that i am serving a great King. who wants to see His kindgom on earth.. and i know that these are not lost causes. that each kid i talk to, each person i see.. can be redeemed and restored.. and the hope and the joy that i have, can be theres. that is why i keep going. that is why i am here. that is why i need your prayers.. cuz, the evil one wants to destroy me, and distract me, and discourage me.. but i know my Redeemer lives, and i will stand before Him on that day.. and the truth, who is my life.. graciously helps me thru the day. pray for protection, of mind, body and heart and spirit for me.. pray that i do speak words of life and hope and truth and love into these kids placed in my care. pray for lives to be changed.. ppl to be restored. i love these ppl so much.. but yet, i know God loves them even more.. pray He would do His thing.. and just let me be used however as i go on the journey with Him.. righteous anger. pray for these ppl.. nothing is impossible. and i am so filled with joy and hope, in the midst of their despair. praise God. He is so good.. so faithful. soo good.. nite

so sick

so plz be prayin i get better. im really really sick.. and after today is clubs again.. so pray i get better quickly.. thanks guys..

thats gonna leave a mark

picture this. 19 hard as teenagers. semi circle. small room. dim lights. finally quiet. finally seated. first 5 minutes of club.. good so far.. amazing actually. too good to be true. then picture this. me running in front of them to the laptop to do the powerpoint... a chair goes flying across the floor.. i run rite into its path.. as im running, i try avoiding the chair, instead, it becomes a part of my chest.. fall to my knees.. still in a fully forward motion. trip and actually fall into the chair, which sends me lunging about 5 feet forward.. only to be stopped by a knee cap to my cheek and a chair that im now twisted up in a heap with, in front of all these students. silence. stunned silence.

i sit there.. expecting all these kids to fully have no mercy.. cuz if i saw something like that.. i cudn't help but laugh.. instead.. i hear.. oh my gosh.. is she ok? thats not funny.. oh wow.. someone go help here, and then there about 12 pairs of hands trying to help me and these lads everywhere full of nothing but mercy and concern.i just burst out laughing. stand up. still silent.. now, have their full attention.. 19 pairs of eyes on me. or maybe it was my swollen cheek´and bleeding elbows.. but still...

now.. you have to understand.. these kids give no mercy.. you trip. they point and laugh. you do anything stupid.. they point and laugh loudly. the culture is merciless. you screw up.. you are made to feel like an idiot.. and here i go and literally face dive in to the floor and a chair and a knee, and actually do this in about a 10 foot area, and use the whole space to fall.. and theres nothing but, silence and concern..

so i get up... still 19 sets of eyes on me.. and i laugh.. i tell them im going to be ok.. and that its ok to laugh.. and i would have laughed if i saw that.. cuz, i cant really describle it, but it actually was the funniest looking, most awkward fall, most long lasting fall.. i have ever seen...

so they start just bursting out laughing.. and all of a sudden.. i am a legend. nothing but respect all nite.. nothing but utter respect the entire nite.. i would walk into a room.. cheers and clapping.. gave us something to joke about all nite with them.. cuz i have no shame and can make fun of myself.. and the guys were so protective of me and were ready to fight and scrap it out for me, if someone started slaggin me (making fun of me) or if someone made a comment, they would defend me to the death.. bless them.. they had such obvious and real concern.. and the whole nite, i would walk into a situation that was a bit messy and they actually listened.. it was amazing actually.. like normally, the teens will make fun of you and do it so much, until usually it ends up breaking most people.. they take ppl to their limit.. and now.. they didnt have to.. i made fun of myself and made a fool of myself in front of them.. and now im in.. now theyll defend me.. stick up for me. listen to me.. its pretty backwards.. but.. welcome to ireland..

me breaking my face on their knee caps in front of them.. was just the thing that earned my respect from them.. oddly enough, huh? cudn't have planned a better thing to happen.. ah.. how ridiculous.. but how.. truely amazing.. funny, huh? welcome to me..

so.. thanks for your prayers.. the night actually was soo good.. God is moving, and is working.. and i know He didnt make that happen, but i am so glad He can use whatever to break down walls.. many walls were broken all nite with these teens.. actually, a basketball got kicked and ended up crakin a girl in the face.. rite in the same place my bruise was.. so that brought us all together again... so wierd, huh?.. ah... im ridiculous.. but hey.. whatever works..

if only i had a video camera tho.. becuz it was actually the funniest thing you probably have ever seen. just picture it.. cuz it was freakin hilarious.. anyways.. keep praying for these kids.. i love them... and God is in love with them.. thanks.. gotta go nurse my wound now.. God bless

the who the what the how the when and the why

these are things i need you all to desparately be praying for. there is so much need here. and the leadership here.. is tired. is frustrated. ppl are beyond themselves and its getting more clear as things begin to start, that i am the new fresh face, with the magical answers and cures and new ideas to change everything.. now.. these expectations are very unrealistic, and very unspoken, but they are still there.. even a little bit.. something needs to break. something needs to happen here.. nothin is gettin thru to these teens and ppl are so tired of trying different things and the same things.. and not seeing anything happen. desparation basically is the general feeling from the ppl here, and its understandable, but really.. there is hope for these kids.. there are things that God knows can happen, and i need wisdom and revelation to find out what those things are, as they are looking to me now...

like all the kids want to do in club, is smoke, throw things at cars.. throw food.. choke each other.. swear.. fight, etc... and its just everywhere you go.. like yesterday i was out, just waiting in a van for some ppl to come with us, and just looking around me, were kids everywhere.. it like 40 somethin degrees out and these kids are runnin around barely dressed... young kids, unsupervised, watching babies in strollers... they're climbin on cars and dancin ontop of them.. and then in the flats (really ghetto aptartments) that were just there, there were all these lads on each of the levels, boys couldnt have been more than 11 years old.. and here they are all smokin, drinkin.. causin trouble.. throwin the bottles into the little play park below.. smashin bottles all over the place.. shoutin obscenities at the ppl walkin by.. and this... is so normal that i dont even bat an eye anymore.. but then i stop and think and im like, this is not good.. life for these ppl as they know it, is this.. it is drugs.. it is alcohol. it is fighting. it is muggings.. all from when they are out of the womb.

then they come to us.. and we expect them to listen, and have a clue how to act and behave and have respect.. and they dont.. then theres me.. and in a few short weeks ill be taking over the teenage club... and the ppl here are so desparate for God to do a new thing and for something to change.. and that responsibility lies on me.....

so.. pray for vision. for wisdom. for revelation. for new ideas. pray for God to show me what to do. how to work with these kids.. where they are at. what they need.. how to break thru to them. for God to work and move.. becuz we have no idea.. we need God.. i am desparate... so pray. please pray.. this is what i ask. thank you.

ah fridays

are gonna need all ur prayers, all the time! craziness.. chaos... and good.. just need all ur prayers for me and these kids every week... thats all ill say for now.. enjoy seein these couple pics so you have a visual of who ur prayin for... oh my goodness.. i need prayers for fridays.. so much! God is good.. these kids are rad..

the lighthouse

seriously blesses my soul everytime i am there.. i am built for that kind of place.. oh, the lighthouse is a homeless shelter that is part of dcm here, that i work in on tuesdays.. but seriously, every week, i get to talk to at least 50-60 guys who are either, homeless, on herione.. or alcoholics.. but as they line up for food, i just get to stand there and welcome them and talk to them.. alot of them would be from romania, poland, latvia, lithuania, bulgaria, slovakia.. in fact, theres very few irish ones.. but its amazing.. just talking to them and getting to be a part of their day and a part of their world, and smiling, and loving and communicating with them on so many different levels.. every time i go there, i dont want to leave.. pray for these guys.. they are trying so hard to break these addictions.. and with kind of a language barrier sometimes, it could seem difficult.. but Jesus is there.. and its seriously just a place i love.. hangin out with homeless guys on drugs.. ah.. it blesses my heart.. thank you Jesus!

pray for friday

i am in charge of the first nite back for the teenage club.. basically means planning a whole evening for 30+ kids from the ages of 14-19. its my first time doing that here.. have something planned on paper.. pray God works thru it and that it goes well in practice.. dont know why im nervous.. i just wanna do really well and have it all work out.. pray it would. pray for me. pray for the other volunteers. pray for the ones comin.. that it all works out.. for His glory.. start prayin now.. really appreciate it! and need it.. thanks guys.

70 degrees in dublin in october? what?!

what a beautiful day!! i had to take my camera out and about today cuz its gorgeous out and everything starts monday!! this is like our last weekend b4 everything officially starts!! its so wierd.. im in dublin! like today.. its completly gorgeous out.. probs like 70 degrees.. and so i decided to take a book and a camera and start walkin.. i walked up grafton street.. its saturday and it was lined with street entertainers.. fire breathers.. acrobats.. musicians.. statue ppl.. there was even this guy in a dog costume with a dog bowl barking for money.. pretty weird.. then i went to this park and sat for awhile.. then walked around.. horses and buggies everywhere lining the streets with the taxis..that was funny.. its just beautiful... but you can be praying for clubs and the groups and myself, as we all get started.. its i was reading in nehemiah this morning, about how he faced such a huge task, with all this opposition, and really just had to pray to God and really actually trust Him to get Him thru and that this was the Lords task and work He was doing... i feel kinda like that.. like there are these 3 communities full of kids and teens and ppl that are all of a sudden 'my' responsiblity.. to love them, mentor, disciple, lead.. teach.. etc.. and there is so much need.. so much brokenness, and as i look around and even think for two seconds, the task seems so large.. which.. it is.. as i have been given so much responsibility.. and there are expectations, spoken and or unspoken, would you all really just be praying that God not only prepares me, but gives me everything i need for whats ahead.. the energy.. health. creativity. love. inspiration.. new ideas.. passion. love.. boldness.. the ability to do well.. that i would do well.. that He would give me wisdom, and show me where He is working.. good relationships with the kids.. that inside, He would fill me and that i would know His love.. that i would keep focused on Him, on eternity.. on truth.. on who i am in Him.. that i would do well.. do His will.. like, there are just so many things.. and so please just be praying for me.. for the club i have to lead.. for the teens i will be in charge of.. that i would get daily inspiration and refreshment.. i need ur prayers.. everything is starting and so starting to pray now would be very good of you all.. thank so much... what a gorgeous day.. oh, pray i make some freinds.. its very easy meeting ppl when im out.. but only 2 percent of this country is Christian.. its impossible to meet ones outside of a church and even then you cant be sure.. so if you could really be praying for that.. that would be good as well.. i need friends, ppl to hang out with outside the mission, that love God.. not themselves.. so.. ya.. lots of stuff.. God is faithful and prayer moves and changes things.. so thank you... God bless you all..

mind fotos

no matter where i go in this city.. i dont take a purse, i make sure everything i need can go in a pocket somewhere, otherwise something would get taken.. but every time i go out somewhere, i wish i had my camera! like i keep meeting the coolest ppl and going the coolest places and who knows if ill see them or be there again.. its just so much fun, and so beautiful... and great craic with the ppl... but no camera.. guess my memory will have to serve me well.. and mind photos will have to be enough... which is cool, just cant share them with ppl which is a bummer.. ah well.. must sleep.

i love october

its always been, and will always remain, my favourite month. the freezing, bitter cold days, that are bright and sunny.. and the gold and orange trees everywhere.. it actually makes me so happy.. ah yes... i love october.

Gods love story to us

"fear not for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are Mine."
isa. 42:1

"I will not forget you. see I have enscribed you on the palms of My hands, your walls are continually before Me."
isa. 49:15-16

"for your maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name.. for the Lord has called you.."
isa. 54:4-5

"i will rejoice greatly in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God. for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness..."
isa 61:10

"for I am the Lord, I do not change... return to Me and I will return to you."
mal. 3:6&7

"to you who fear My name the Sun of Righteousness shall arise, with healing in His wings, and you shall go out and grow fat like stall-fed calves.."
mal. 4:2

Jesus is in love with you. desires to have a relationship with you.. "nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."(acts 4:12)... Jesus.. call out to Jesus.. for, "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.." (rom. 10:9)

salvation is here, it has come. free. hope has come. life has come. truth and restoration and peace has come. Jesus has come. "for He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become t he righteousness of God in Him." (2 cor. 5:21)

hope. forgiveness. a new start. complete love. complete acceptance. a new life. if you all have trusted in Jesus.. than you have to remember that, "in His abundant mercy, you have been born into a living hope, thru the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God thru faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (i pet. 3-5)

that you are "the elect of God, holy, and beloved" (col. 3:12), that you are "a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation.. His own special ppl.. once you were not.. but now.. you are the ppl of God!" (i pet. 2:9)

ppl, i am aware that i am goin on.. but.. its so important to realise and remember who you are.. that as we go along our day to day, in our jobs, with our families or friends, hard circumstances, and things that dont make sense.. that Jesus is still King, that He is on His throne, and He knows. He cares. that once we trust Him, we have hope! that can never fade or perish! that our lives and hearts are in heaven, with God.. and that no matter how good or bad our circumstances, they are temporary.. and the "sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us" (rom. 8:18) keep on goin people. "t/fore do not loose heart, even tho our outward man is perishing, the inward man is being renewed day by day. for our light afflictions, which is for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but unseen.. for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 cor.4:16-18)


wow.. look what happens on a full cup of coffee, huh?.. have hope today friends.. no matter what ur going thru. Jesus is enough. He is there. He has complete power, does not change, and is in love with you. every thought, every circumstance and every heart cry is heard and known by the Living God, who is there, waiting for you to call out to Him. i love you all.. must run.. peace and love

©2007 Shawnda Holzer

mullets, track suits and big fake diamond earings

the style's here are crazy! things began today.. and the kids/teens, are of course, amazing.. but its so funny.. the style! the lads wear sweats and or track bottoms, with skinny white shoes and a striped top, and or a rugby top.. their hair is spiked on the top, and or a mohawk.. with gel, of course.. and a mullet in the back, with gel, and very straight, but not too long.. then to top off the look.. they all got huge fake diamond earings.. its definetly " the look " of ireland.. pretty sure it wont catch on in the states.. ever. its very.. distinctive of irish lads.. the girls have a look all their own.. mullets as well.. just straightened with highlights everywhere.. and then tons of plastic pearl jewelry.. and leg warmers and huge belts around a very long, hangy shirt.. over some skinny jeans or a skirt with jeans.. or if they are really of dublin.. a proper track suit. velour if they so desire. so funny. so great. i love it.. their wee accents that are soo thick.. freckles and red heads everywhere.. ah, their just so cute!

anyways.. i was very happy today to have them all start comin in.. meetin my pepes.. its good.. so pray for us as things start.. i can hear them all downstairs, even now as i type, running around, screaming and throwing balls... good times.. life.. all around me... cool!! ill write more soon. thanks for the prayers.. God bless