Sigh

Did you all know there is a difference between `bad guys` and actual bad guys? Sigh.... I hate fights. I hate hearing shouting, to look out the window to see another fight. Hate. Hate. Hate it.

I remember my very first day ever in my flat in Dublin, Id literally been in the country all of 30 minutes to look out my window to some guy getting his head beat in the ground. Seeing the blood.. having to try and figure out what the emergency number was here to call the police. Hearing the crunch of bone on ground and fist in face.. Sigh. This just was the lovely beginning to a year where that would be just the start to the amount of drunken and foolish fights I would see..

Well, last nite I was out walking around Temple Bar. An amazing part of town just up the street where there is alway live music, Irish bars, Irish dancing, guys watching rugby matches and the cheers in the streets and all the tourists and natives.. Its a bustling street with something to do and look at and hear and experience for about half a mile long. Its busy. Its beautiful, never a shortage of police or drunken ppl at every glance. But last nite there was this great band playing on the street, so I stopped to listen.. As I stood there, this group of harmless, yet drunken men came and started talking to me... After living here so long, my judgement is very good about the harmless ones and the ones looking to cause trouble, these dudes were just old, Irish and drunk.. The norm. They heard my American accent, so I got talking to all of them.... Irish ppl are hilarious... their jokes, their sense of humour, their realness, and their culture, is just friendly, and I had a great time talking to them, listening to music and getting to know their hearts, for about an hour... They had open alcohol cans, one was smoking a joint (and mind you, were in a group of 50 or so ppl all around), all just having a laugh (loving them and just being Jesus to ppl that have no clue who He is).. Well, the Garda (Irish police) come up and tell the men to get away... A couple of them were missing teeth, they werent supposed to have open alcohol cans, and so 3 of the 4, submissively obeyed, said a good nice to meet ya and went on their way.. the 4th, his name was Deco, decided he did not want to listen (such a good hearted guy, really).. and he didnt leave, but told them he wanted to listen to the music, which was not good.. The Garda cuffed him and hauled him off to jail - This is my defintion of the first bad guy.. Sure, didnt make the best decision by not obeying the police, but really was just harmless and drunk like the rest of the entire city.. not out to cause any trouble, rather just was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone else sees him as a criminal - I saw a dude who shouldnt have been drinking in the streets, fair enough, but was minding his own business, and didnt deserve to go to jail.

Actual bad guys are the ones who are outside my window rite now. The ones that have been shouting for 20 minutes.. the ones that, when I look out my window at just the right moment to see what all the shouting is about - I see a fight. I see two men sparring. I see the other two falling down because they are drunk. I see a guy hit in the face.. I see the other karate chop a neck.. I hear yelling. I see aggression. I see fighting, I see alcohol sloshing on the men and slurring fighting words, and I hate it. I hate it. This is my venting email. Where are the Garda for the actual bad guys, the ones pissing on my wall and braking their bottles on my wall, fighting and being aggressive? Ugh.. its just so annoying.... and sad..

In the last couple of days, I have seen men hitting their arms to find a vein to shoot up. I have seen a couple drug deals. I hear sirens that do not cease. There have been 2 murders... and I sigh.... Oh Lord.. you have got to do something more in this place........

No water today

So the city decided to shut off the water in the part of town the mission is in, aka, the place 5 of us girls are living and where hundreds of kids come thru each day and where there are normally 4 bathrooms for them to use, they are now, out of order.. This as means there is no brushing of teeth. No flushing the toilet. No showering. No cooking. No washing clothes. No washing dishes. No drinking it. No, well, you get the point.. Cecile and I walked to the store bout 1/2 mile away and carried 6 litres each home -- oh the joys..

It's been good though, I've been making the most of all my time here, catching up with as many people as possible and seeing kids and students I use to work with, ever chance I get. I saw one of my old Choose Life teens -- and his life has changed in every way. The rest of his friends and the ones I use to work with are all massively involved in dealing and doing cocaine and you can definetly be praying for them, bcuz it breaks my heart, but he however, and 2 of the girls (3 out of 11), have come thru knowing Jesus and having their lives transformed. 2 of them even went on a mission trip to Belarus that they can't stop talking about and are helping out in the mission here as leaders.. and if you would have known these ones like I did (and maybe you remember stories) -- then seeing them as I do now is actually mind blowing.. It's incredible!!! 180 degree change.. Thank God, and thank Him as well for what He is going to do with the others, that I believe He will all in His time.

Anyways, I am off again to meet up w/ Samaria.. you can be praying for my healing, I believe that Jesus has paid for my healing and by His stripes we have been healed and so therefore I walk in that.. however, the damp and cold and walking everywhere and sleeping in a frigid stone walls building, has gotten into my chest a little bit, but I walk in faith that I will not get sick, and your prayers in agreement for that would be great. Will write more later!! See you all next week!

Day in Bray, Nite with Friends

Yesterday was so good.. spent time walking about Dublin with Cecile taking photos and seeing old friends, and then I got to go to see all of my friends from church at a party they were having. It was soo good. Most of them are South African, so we had amazing food.. played games.. had fellowship.. was amazing.. as always. Was out very late... and up very early this morning..

Cecile and I went to Bray, which, I think, is one of the most beautiful places over here. Its an amazing little city on the Irish sea.. and we got there and it was sunny.. Perfect.. We literally walked about 7 miles today and even hiked thru the mud and all to get to the top of Bray. SOO beautiful. As we were hiking up, we saw all these horses and dogs.. its was really crazy, and so pretty.. pretty much a perfect day..

What an adventure.. we just got home, covered in mud, because of course it was very slippery and kept falling and we were soaked and mud caked.. was awesome.. tonite Ill meet up with some more friends for a movie nite and I have decided that on Saturday, Im going to Galway... to the West side.. Ive never been.. busses our cheap... why not..

So enjoy these pics, I have to go soon.. Having such a blast..

So many stories

Ok, I know I just finished a blog, but I just keep getting in conversations and hearing stories and seeing things here that could fill up books. The stories of what is happening here, the things God is doing and the like... are just amazing..

My young people's lives are changing -- choosing to take gunshots to the legs, instead of the heads -- then, having their lives changed by the Spirit of God and having their once gang infested, in and out of prison lives, turned around and they are telling their stories to their peers and things are changing.. Seeing a guy I used to know at the Lighthouse, in and out of hospital all the time from overdosing, constantly on heroine, never knowing if you would see him dead or alive -- and I saw him yesterday, and the story of hope here is that he is very much alive and still going. Seeing little girls who used to be babies, now coming to clubs, experiencing love and Jesus, which they will see no where else.. Seeing the food continue on and on at the Lighthouse, as much is needed, til all are fed, and seeing God provide.. Hearing of the girl who use to assault me and the boys that use to threaten me, going on mission trips and having their lives changed by Jesus.. Running into ppl that I don't even remember, saying to me, oh wow, you're back, you sure made your mark here for sure, it's great to have ya.. Girls who I met one time who I got to see again, hug me like there is no tmrw beggin' me not to go, tellin' me they still had their wee notebooks I have given them like almost 3 years ago!!! It's been a insane.. God is so good.. and still so very at work here!!!

Day 6

I've been a bit bad keepin' the updates goin' -- but am having a blast. I have been catching up and getting together with everyone I possibly can, as well as being a tour guide to my Swiss roomie.. It's great, because everywhere I think is cool, I'm able to take her around and show her and take pictures and have someone who has never been here think it's beautiful and amazing..

I have been doing all the things I never got to, as well, because I worked so much here, and now I have all the free time I want, as well as the chance to stop in the clubs and see the ppl and kids.. it's the best of both worlds. My feet are so sore, from dancing and walking so much in my converse -- but so it goes.. Just such a blessing to have such a wonderful time to catch up w/ old friends and start off just where we left off as if no time has gone by at all.

Must say as well how much perspective this trip is giving me as well. Every time I have left Ireland, it's felt so out of reach, but so close. Like, I can just make a phone call, or look at a picture and it all just seems to be right up the road, and it's always been such a bummer to me that I can't just go outside and drive to see these ppl, and yet, here I am... However, it's given me this great appreciation for the life God has given me at home! I have never seen what I'm seeing before... It's total confirmation to me that God has me in Portland, with intention and purpose and for a reason, and the job, car, church, family, friends, place to live, roomates, and ministries He has me involved in are EXACTLY where I am to be, and I am soo content in that.. and so full of joy and so blessed.. Not only am I able to come visit my pepes overseas anytime I desire, but I have a life to come back to, feels like, for the first time -- and a life with relationships and ppl and places that I can't wait to get back to... that's definetly a first.

I'm just praising God that He knows our hearts. Knows our desires. Knows the reasons He created us and how He alone perfectly leads us into all the right things in His perfect time.

I pray all of you are blessed, and can't wait to come back and do life with you all. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy every bit of Ireland and relationship here I can, enjoying and savouring each moment... The Irish dancing, traditional live music, city, ppl, food, accents, culture and my relationships will keep me very busy the next week and a half, but I'll see you's all before ya know it! Off I go till later.

Day 3

It feels like Ive been here for ages already, however, I'm only to bein' here 3 days and a bit. Nothing, except all the good things I keep hearing about what God is doing and continues to do, has changed, including the end of week checks to see if we got lice, ah yes, good times! Yesterday I went out to coffee with Leisel, as we always use to, and found a cute coffee place in the middle of some mall, and it was so good to catch up -- then shop!

It's freezing cold, but with thermals on under everything and layer and more layers and coats and gloves and scarves, I remembered how to manage when the wind is blowing in your face and pelting rain, and your only option is walking.. I have missed it. I walked around all of Dublin yesterday, delighted that I could still get myself everywhere I wanted to go, and I went to all the places I remember passing by daily and took so many pictures, sopping wet from the lashing rain, however it was all worth it bcuz I got to go to the Lighthouse!!!

The Lighthouse was the biggest blessing of my time here when I lived here, so getting to see the people I use to work with, my "Irish grandmother" and the ppl that took me in as their own during my year here, made my heart beat so fast as I anticipated seeing them. Sure enough, when I walked in, one swore straighaway from being so shocked to see me, cuz none of them new I was coming... It was sooo amazing to catch up with them and laugh and be encouraged!

After the Lighthouse, I met Sami and Leisel and we went cross town to Leisel's to dye her hair and watch Grey's Anatomy.. Ah the memories..... I sat so content w/ my friends.. in Dublin... and it was so great... Sami and I then braved the elements again -- to walk half an hour home, at 1am to get to bed.. There is nothing like the relationships and conversation that happens when you daily look ridiculous becuz of the amount of bundling up you have to do to survive walking everywhere here, and the conversation and the connections that happen on the walks to get everywhere with ppl. I miss that.. Having a half hour here, a half hour there just to talk, as you walk -- it's great.. So here's alot of pics.. The updates are short and sweet, I know, I would rather just be out and about than typing a blog -- but I am doing my best..

Hope everyone is well.. See you in a couple of weeks! God is good. Praying for you all. XO

Ah the smell of piss, sounds of sirens and drunken fights

Ah yes... I am in Dublin. So, lets try this again. I am retyping the blog that somehow was translated into German last nite, it will be short and sweet, because I want to go out and about, but wanted to share my ystrdy with everyone.

So my second day here was wonderful.. somehow the snow disappeared overnite, literally, and we are back to cold, windy Dublin. I had forgotten about how bone chilling cold it was here, but not even outside, but in the mission -- my room.. every room... Frigid. We wear layer upon layer, and it's great -- because I'm here and all these memories come flooding back. I was able to go to the clubs yesterday and catch up with old friends and even as I was out and about shopping, I kept running into students and people that didn't even know I was coming to town, and it was so nice being to catch up and shock them!!

It's interesting as I am reminded of all the sights and smells and sounds of Dublin. The welcome into town from all the sirens, and seaguls and chiming bells from all the cathedrals around town. I walk the streets and smell piss and see guys peeing into garbage bins on the road -- something that they are infamous for here, as I remember having been peed on many times.. At nite as I walk, I see the drunken fights, and from the first moment, I am aware of my surroundings again.. Senses hightened, as I watch my back, my belongings and smell alcohol on all the folks. All this as I smile -- ah yes, I love Dublin. There were two murders outside the Lighthouse last nite, the homeless shelter I work in, and of course, it's drug related -- I am reminded where I am, as each street I walk is another memory, and again, I smile... This also from being very full, because all they do here is eat!! The food is amazing, the pastries, biscuits, sweets, chocolate, carbs, chippers and cups o' tea every 5 minutes makes one very very, constantly full, it's a good thing we walk everywhere around here.... I saw on tv last nite a new reality show based in Dublin, called, 70 days of Sobriety. Where they take 6 normal Dublin blokes and it's a show showing their lives w/out them drinking for 3 and a half months, just the thought of it before the series has even started is breaking these men into cold sweats!! -- it's just such an odd fighting and drinking culture.... I was reminded of this again, as I walked the streets and saw the young kids pelting cars and unsuspecting old people with ice balls as they ran away to reak more havoc.. Ah Dublin..

It's so good to be back. The track suits, rugby tops, dance music in every shop and the thick Dublish accent makes my heart so happy. God is definetly still very much at work here and I smile... and keep smiling. Thanks for all your prayers. Will write more tonite. God bless.

Back in Dublin, Ireland

I am seriously trippin', in a good way. I have been in Dublin now for about 12 hours.... and lemme tell you, it's so weird!!! Let me start from the beginning -- (God's provision and goodness blowing my mind from the first 3 hours of this trip).

So, I board the plane from Portland to Chicago -- end up sitting next to a guy who is at Moody Bible Institute working as an urban youth worker in Garfield Park, one of the most notorious gang lands in Chicago.. immediately him and I start talking, comparing things he does, to what I have been doing and the entirety of the flight we talked, was so encouraging to hear and compare these stories of insane things God is doing... Made a new friend for sure and then it was hilarious, for a 4 hour flight, this guy, who is my age, had found in all of his coat pockets, zip lock baggies of food his mom had put in so he wouldn't starve.. He had slices of meat, sticks of cheese, cornbread, cracker jacks, apple slices, and on and on-- no joke, it was so funny and we were thankful for these random packed snacks, cuz our flight didn't serve any food.. Anyways, during this flight we get news that Dublin airport has been closed down due to snow and blizzard like conditions and ice for the last 7 days and the airports not only in Dublin, but the entirety of Europe, have been shut down to further notice due to the worst arctic weather in years... my heart began to sink -- and I told this new friend from Moody that God knew I had only so much time to spend in Dublin and had planne this trip months in advance, so trusted their was something much more important in Chicago he had me going to, or that He was going to make a way.

I arrive in Chicago and get to the international terminal and my heart was so full of joy as I heard every accent and language you could imagine and all of a sudden, me, as an American, was a minority -- yay. As I listened to these beautiful ppl talk about sports and politics and weather and so on, I overheard a conversation of two Dublin'ers talking about how they have been stuck in Chicago for 1 week because for 7 days in a row, their flights had been cancelled.. Hmm.. I thought, I am soo close, am I seriously going to get stuck in Chicago??? I decided not. In the Word it says that we are to declare things in faith that are not as though they were.. it tells me that all things (every tiny thing) works for the good of those that love Him and have been called according to His purpose.. it tells me that faith pleases God and that we have not because we ask not.. it tells me that nothing (not one detail), is impossible for God and to trust Him w/ all my heart, even when I don't understand, and to acknowledge Him in everything and HE WILL direct my paths... So with all these things in mind I began to declare that God was good, that He was trustworthy, that He works all things for good, that I trust Him beyond what I understand, and asked Him, then thanked Him for making a way to Dublin, when all else said there was not. I declared this over and over -- situational circumstances were impossible, however, I wait on God. So I waited to hear the status of our flight. For 5 hours I waited..

Well -- weirdest thing. Our flight was only delayed one hour. And it was the only flight that God to fly out into Dublin.. Weird how that works!!! I sat in the air, amazed. Here we are, flying, against all odds, thru the snow and blizzard -- to get me to Dublin. God is very good. Usually flying into Ireland, all you see is green -- this time, it was only white. White everywhere!! It was soo beautiful, I have never seen anything like it.

I arrive, my luggage arrives.. My old coworker from the mission pick me up and take me to the community I use to work in... I felt like crying I was so happy.. Memory after memory after memory flooded by brain.. And then I entered this world of Dublin and Drimnagh and Crumlin, where nothing had changed. My memories and pictures in my head and experiences I had and everything was the same. I know how to get around, I know where I am, I recognize ppl, I catch up w/ old friends, and alas, I remember. Remember my heart, remember what I am created for. I got perspective and can let out a deep breathe of joy.. Ah... I am in Ireland again.

THEN, I go to the mission where I lived.. and oh man..... oh man! I go to my old bedroom and kitchen and roomates room and bathroom and the same office and gym and, and, and.... everything is the same.. Then I did start crying.. So happy.. Because when I left 18 mnths ago, I felt like that was the end forever, that everything was changing, that I would never be back here, never see these ppl again -- then all of a sudden, here I am, standing in my old bedroom -- and nothing is different, not even the relationships w/ ppl, we just started where we left off and I realized that life is so good. That I can come back anytime and that this part of my life that has been such a huge part of my life, is not over, just gets continued, like when your son or daughter is away to college and you don't see them for a year, but the second you do, all is the same, and well and you just pick up from where you left off.. That's what it's like for me... I'm able to come back anytime and have "family" here and all my same friends -- and that is a very good thing..

So after completely having a jet lagged body and head full of memories and heart full of joy, I got to meet up with Samaria (my roomie), in town, w/ some friends and we walked to church -- walking the streets of Dublin again.. I can get myself anywhere still and here we sit in the office like we use to, overlooking the Four Courts covered in snow, she types an essay and I type blogs home before I pass out from not sleeping in 3 days and I think, wow... life is good. Not only do I have a life I love in Oregon that I get to come back to, but I still have my life in Ireland that I can come back to anytime.. Tremendous!!

I will be updating as I can --- not as much as this, because I am going to be doing as much as possible!!! But yes, thank you for your prayers and will see you all soon. (I have way more photos but the website just crashed -- will post more later, they're all on facebook)